Phyllis Diller Quotes

A loving wife will do anything for her husband except stop criticizing him and trying to improve him.

Man and wife, Coupled together for the sake of strife.

I'm one of those people who tells my wife, "No coaching from the sidelines."

Never tell your wife she's bad in bed. She'll go out and get a second opinion.

Women's magazines continue to print 'helpful' articles on How to Hang on to Your Husband while thousands of wives write to me and complain that 'hanging is too good for 'em.

Marriage. The beginning and the end are wonderful. But the middle part is hell.

Husband, when you tell your wife to go for counseling alone (because you think going to see a counselor is a sign you have failed) is like having a car you love overheat and deciding it's not manly to take it to the mechanic. You can keep on driving it but eventually you will ruin the engine.

My relationship with my wife is fraught with all of the problems that any couples face, but there is a sense of humor that we have about it and a real desire to want to make it better.

I'm gonna dress up as an iPhone so my husband pays attention to me.

My mother told me 'man on top, woman underneath.' For years my husband & I slept in bunk beds.

Show me a wife who doesn't offer advice and I'll show you one who doesn't care very much.

[I]t is dangerous for a bride to be apologetic about her husband.

The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.

First the husband tried to make the wife his possession, and once she is a possession he loses interest. There is some hidden logic in it: his whole interet was to possess; now that is finished, and he would like to try some other woman so he can again go on another trip of possesion.

If you wish the pick of men and women, take a good bachelor and a good wife

If every husband and every wife would constantly do whatever might be possible to ensure the comfort and happiness of his or her companion, there would be very little, if any, divorce. Argument would never be heard. Accusations would never be leveled. Angry explosions would not occur. Rather, love and concern would replace abuse and meanness.

Don't you know, that all wives are in the right? It may be you don't, for you are yet a young husband.

Most wives think of their husbands as bumbling braggarts with whom they happen to be in love.

Many a woman would get a divorce if she could do it without making her husband happy.

All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.

There are few wives so perfect as not to give their husbands at least once a day good reason to repent of ever having married, or at least of envying those who are unmarried.

You should get married more often," Loki teased. "It makes you feisty.

Husbands are never happy. My husband asked me for more space, so I locked him out of the house.

When a wife has a good husband, it is easily seen on her face.