Dick Van Dyke Quotes

I made sure that instead of people making fun of me, like every comedian probably says, I made fun of myself first so they would get distracted and just laugh. I was pretty brutally picked on for a while growing up. It was always the really pretty girls, the hot girls and then there was me. So I had to do something to get any sort of attention.

At school I was very shy and coincidentally inherited the title 'little miss worry guts,' and that was just among the staff. I learned early on that I could make people laugh, and as my small neat body betrayed me by growing to dizzying heights, I used it as a tool that translated into complete slap-stick comedy.

I don't know any jokes, which is embarrassing. I wish I did.

The only way I could get comfortable around people was to make them laugh. I was an obedient girl, and humor was my one form of rebellion. I used comedy to deflect. Like, 'Hey, check out my zit!' - you know, making fun of yourself before someone else has a chance to.

I'm kind of a nerd. A square. And I'm terrible at telling jokes. I always forget the punch line.

Sometimes the stuff I come up with is so silly I feel like I need to apologize at the end of every one of them.

My beard is just an ongoing effort to hide my face as much as possible.

Oh, my God, I would be the most uncool band member, ever.

Probably one of the reasons I became a comedian is that you get a chance to control when people laugh at you.

My self-deprecating humor may not be as funny as I thought.

My friends make me laugh: funny Instagram videos, but mostly people falling over. It's so bad, but it never gets old. I just love how people cover up their falls. The whole experience of 'Oh, I just fell, and I'm going to run out of the fall and pretend I did this on purpose.' I just like to see how people cover up their mishaps.

I never feel like it'll be something where like, 'Aha, I've got it. I'm funny for the rest of my life. I don't need to tell jokes anymore. I just am comedy.'

I was one of the people that always got chosen last, and I think I bulked up my comedy bone to make up for my lack of friends.

I think what's hysterically funny is a guy who sets himself up as the most confident, everything's-perfect, know-it-all, things-are-swell human being and then gets wiped out every time.

I never even was in any of my high school plays. I mean, look at me. What role could they give me - the tooth fairy?

It's possible the only thing I love more than working with Gabe Diani and Etta Devine is humiliating myself on film for all to see.

I like to think of myself as the corniest, most awful thing you could possibly imagine.

I'm walking insecurity. Without all this makeup, I look like a refugee when I get up in the morning.... I generally look like one major bowwow. I mean arf.

Nobody likes me,” he concluded at the tail end of a ten-minute pity fest. “Can’t imagine why,” Quinn murmured. I turned my snort of laughter into a fake cough, which was an embarrassingly feeble attempt at subterfuge when you consider the fact that I didn’t have any lungs.

I was sitting in the back room by myself when someone came in and said, "Mr. Zimmer, I have to take you down to the make up room." I told them that if anyone can help this face they deserve a bonus.

Jewish introspection and Jewish humor is a way of surviving . . . if you're not handsome and you're not athletic and you're not rich, there's still one last hope with girls, which is being funny.

Sam was waiting for her,his gaze sweeping over her. "Looks great." "I look like a geek," Lucy said. "I smell like a brewery. And I need a bra." "My dream date.

A lot of people can be very scared about making themselves vulnerable and appearing uncool. I don't really give a damn; as long as it's funny, I'll do it [make fun of myself].

I swear, sometimes I am convinced my life is just a series of sketches for America's Funniest Home Videos, minus all that pants-dropping business. Except my life really isn't all that funny if you think about it.

I grew up as a very sarcastic person. I was always the class clown, and to date girls I had to be really funny. I was really skinny growing up.