Calvin Trillin Quotes

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.

I don't make mistakes. I make prophecies which immediately turn out to be wrong.

I write my own quotes. Except this one. I obviously stole this from somebody really clever.

Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.

You shouldn't get too close to the truth, because then maybe you stop being funny.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

Everything I say is a joke. I am a joke myself.

Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.

I think I've been called edgy - but in all honesty, there is a safety in what I do because I'm always the idiot. Unless you're just listening to buzz words and not taking into account the context of the situation, you see I'm always the ignoramus.

The pun exists in a social and political void, caring nothing for the issues of its day, content merely to display itself in its small cleverness.

I'd like to say I was smart enough to finish six grades in five years, but I think perhaps the teacher was just glad to get rid of me.

I like the irony in my work.

I think great humor lies in playing the truth of a situation.

I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

I can't be serious, apparently.

Every witticism is an inexact thought; that which is perfectly true is imperfectly witty.

You have a... remarkable memory." "I remember everything about you. You're the one who wasn't paying attention.

If I cannot brag of knowing something, then I brag of not knowing it; at any rate, brag.

Truth, when witty, is the wittiest of all things.

The funniest thing about some people is that they have no sense of humor.

My ass may be dumb, but I ain't no dumbass.

We've got a lot of experience of not having any experience

If I had a sense of humor, I'd be laughing right now.