Greg Fitzsimmons Quotes

Representative Chris Lee was forced to resign after sending a shirtless picture of himself to a woman on Craigslist. On the bright side, he DID surprise his wife for Valentines Day.

Christopher heard a pair of women gossiping nearby, whispering in disapproving undertones. "... Ramsey was found flirting in a corner with a woman. They had to drag him away from her." "Who was it?" "His own wife." "Oh, dear.

You slam a politician, you make out he's the devil, with horns and hoofs. But his wife loves him, and so did all his mistresses.

Bill Clinton smoked Marijuana but he didn't inhale, he spent time with a woman but he didn't sleep with her, he received a draft notice but didn't read it. Why give him the White House; he won't use it.

If he had an affair while in office I misjudged him. I thought he was just doing that to the country.

I think it would be much better for the country and for Clinton personally to resign. I come from the business side. If you had a chairman or president in the business world facing these allegations, he'd be gone.

I was no longer committing adultery by that time, the impeachment trial.

If you're Obama, can you imagine being lectured to about honesty and integrity from a convicted perjurer, Bill Clinton? My gosh, folks, I mean, literally how far has one fallen when that is the case?

Following revelations that he fathered a love child, the good Reverend Jesse Jackson - or should we say the 'very' good Reverend - is enduring the scandal with the help of family and friends. A scandal which gives clearer meaning to the Rainbow Coalition's Operation 'Push'.

How about this John Edwards thing? Imagine that, a personal injury attorney who turns out to be a sleaze ball. Who could have seen that coming?

In a new interview, Newt Gingrich says he cheated on two of his wives because he was too consumed with love for his country. Yeah, apparently he misunderstood the phrase, 'Please rise for the Pledge of Allegiance.'

Anyone who is friends with Bill Clinton shouldn't be telling their wife about it.

Bill Clinton described himself as he's "the big dog." He's out hunting, and he found something. Some woman was emitting some, you know, come-to-me smell or whatever, and he was picking up on the scent.

Bill Clinton is a liar, a perverted kind of a guy anyway, and he is always stroking black folks rather than telling them the truth.

It takes zero politically correct people to screw in a lightbulb because they are perpetually in the dark.

Did you see Britney Spears at the Video Music Awards? I don't want to say that that performance was a disaster, but after the show, I saw Rudy Giuliani having his picture taken standing on her.

The reference to John Podesta is general. It is not specific. And, by the way, he does have his time in the barrel shortly thereafter.

A Tory minister can sleep in ten different women's beds in a week. A Labour minister gets it in the neck if he looks at his neighbour's wife over the garden fence.

Then you got Newt Gingrich up here who - didn't he leave his wife while she was dying to marry the next wife? Give me a break, Newt.

The only source of the true Ridiculous (as it appears to me) is affectation

As a comedian, I think we all look for those areas where the truth diverts from what people are saying. That's why politics is such a rich area for us, because politicians make promises, and they don't keep them, and when we point out the difference, we get the laugh.

I caught the preacher making love to Sister Mary Lou. God's gonna getcha for that.

I, like everybody else, have lost most of my pension plan in this economic crash. So I have to. I'm going to call it I Slept With Everyone On Television.

Hillary went to a Chipotle in a tortilla pantsuit.

I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.