Jim Gaffigan Quotes

I love hotels. I generally prefer smaller boutique hotels to large chains, especially when attention and wit has been given to interesting design elements and beautiful bathrooms.

I don't have a crazy rider clause saying I have to stay at fancy hotels. I don't have a problem with staying at a Marriott. But I will admit that I've gotten just basic, regular service there.

I've just always liked hotels. I like the bed and the sheets and everything that comes along with it.

When I was in Japan on tour in 2010, I felt like I was 30 years into the future. I love technology and they are so advanced with their phones, computers, everything. I think they had the iPhone way before we did in the U.S. I love gadgets, games, social media and I try to stay ahead on all that stuff, but they get it all first.

I am fortunate to stay at lots of lovely hotels when I'm on tour, but my favourite hotel group in Britain is Malmaison. I recently stayed at the Malmaison in Manchester, which was pretty amazing. It had a fabulous bar and restaurants, as well as fantastic rooms with mood lighting.

I've always thought a hotel ought to offer optional small animals. I mean a cat to sleep on your bed at night, or a dog of some kind to act pleased when you come in. You ever notice how a hotel room feels so lifeless?

At hotels, you are an actress. Absolutely. You can do what you want. Go where you want. I love my home too. But I love to arrive in a hotel. They have books, chocolate, food. I put things in the little refrigerator.

I still enjoy traveling a lot. I mean, it amazes me that I still get excited in hotel rooms just to see what kind of shampoo they've left me.

I've been put up in great hotels from a very young age, so I've been spoilt. What I can't stand is when I arrive somewhere and the room isn't ready. You call housekeeping, and it takes them three hours to get the room into shape. I'm afraid to say that the Hilton in London was not too good on that score.

I remember one of my first international trips to Poland. After a long, tortuous journey, we arrived at the hotel exhausted but without the team management, who had gone ahead of us from the airport in cars, checked into the best rooms, and left us with what was left.

You've got to pay an awful lot for your hotel before you get fresh orange juice. If a hotel has got proper orange juice - and you do expect it if you're abroad - I rank the hotel highly.

I play music on my phone to fall asleep when I'm on the road and as an alarm clock to wake me up, so I need it nearby - but there are never outlets by the bed in hotels!

I'm not a big room service guy.

500 dollars? Fully subsidized? With a plan? I said that is the most expensive phone in the world. And it doesn't appeal to business customers because it doesn't have a keyboard. Which makes it not a very good email machine.

More and more people are watching entertainment on their phones. On a plane or on a train, or whatever, you see people with their headphones and they're looking at their iPhone or their Galaxy. You're reducing a medium that's meant to be seen on your 65-inch plasma screen at home for your 4-inch monitor on the train. People are ready to do either, and the content has to work on both.

To record something on your iPhone to be watched later, that's like the opposite of theater. The joy of being there is experiencing it with other people. It doesn't translate onto your phone. It's about being present.

I flip open my phone to text Jessica: Me: Guess who's pregnant? Jess: u? Me: Get real. Jess: ur mom? Me: yep Jess: Mazel tov!? Me: Don't congratulate me, plz Jess: Could b worse Me: How? Jess: Could be u? Me: I'm a virgin. Jess: Nobody's perfect.

I think it's great some hotels provide stationery. Because the first thing I like to do when I get to a hotel room is write a letter. "My dearest Gwendolyn, I arrived by nightfall at the Embassy Suites. It will be a fortnight after my return that this letter shall arrive. Allow me to explain the curious charge at the ledger. It is because I miss thee so much, darling, I accidentally ordered Sorrority Sisters 7."

No matter how much we're on our phones, going to the show is the goal - you look at things online and watch videos and read blogs and comment, all so that you can go in person and see it yourself, and meet these people in real life, and then so you can go home and talk about it again on your screen.

As nice as the Apple iPhone is, it poses a real challenge to its users. Try typing a web key on a touchscreen on an Apple iPhone, that's a real challenge. You cannot see what you type.

I beat my sons in real-life table tennis, but virtually, I get murdered. I download games on the iPhone that I'm addicted to - I'm a master at "Angry Birds."

Hotels are the only proper places for lecturers. When I am ill-natured I so enjoy the freedom of a hotel where I can ring up a domestic and give him a quarter and then break furniture over him.

When I was 19, I picked up an old, tiny, automatic Yashica camera and I just started shooting. We didn't have iPhones back then, we didn't even have cell phones. I loved having a camera in my hand.

Do you think it's so snobbish, to want to see something besides one's fellow citizens abroad?

Real crime-beat investigative journalism does seem to be really dwindling, especially in this age with everything being centered around iPhones. Everyone's a journalist today, essentially. Every pedestrian on the street has the potential of capturing a big story on their mobile device and then selling it and making a lot of money.