Doug Stanhope Quotes

If you smoke, plain and simple, stop smoking. If you drink, plain and simple, stop.

While the collateral consequences of drugs such as cocaine are indisputably severe, they are not unlike those which flow from the misuse of other, legal, substances

I should do something about the cigarettes; I quite accept that it's bad for your health, but you know a moderate tipple is positively beneficial and, at certain times, absolutely essential.

Well, I’ll never have to talk about crap like dope addiction again.

To quote Homer Simpson, alcohol is the cause and solution to all of life's problems. I don't think there's anything wrong with drinking and drug use, if people can do it and not hurt themselves. But it got to the point where I was really hurting myself.

I can't go along with all that shit about having to give everything up. I'd always say to them in the clinic I'm still going to have a Guinness, I'm still going to have a glass of wine. They say you can smoke 400 cigs a day and drink 20 cups of coffee, but you can't have a line or a drink again.

A lot of people that are in the disease of drinking and using can be caught up on the denial aspect of it. I don't have a problem with that. I am very sensitive. I can just feel when things are getting out of control and I go, 'Oh, you have to deal with this. Because you can die.' I've always sort of had that.

Everybody in recovery smokes. If you don't like smoking, don't even bother trying to get sober. Just stay drunk.

God slaps you around a little bit when you drink too much.

I sometimes overeat or drink too much, but I don't eat chocolate, and I gave up smoking when I was 39.

Cigarettes, cigarettes were much tougher. Booze was tough And I had a real drinking problem before as we discovered in the hospital really, but the cigarettes are much tougher and to tell you the truth.

The sad thing is, people don't want to believe that the person they're in love with is out of his mind, drinking and using, so if you give them even half an excuse, they're going to want to believe it.

The worst drug of all by far is tobacco; the death toll from tobacco is just overwhelming.

Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don't smoke... tumors.

The alcohol had the code and mystery about it as a writer's drug, but I'm glad that's been debunked. But the trouble with the drinking, much as I hate to admit it, is it helped the work.

The alcohol was awful. I was a terrible alcoholic. I mean, people used to ask how much drugs I did. I said, 'I only do drugs so I can drink more'. I was doing the coke so I could drink more. I mean, I don't know any other reason. I'd start drinking in the morning. I'd drink all day long.

... tobacco kills 52,000 people a year from lung cancer, and there's no telling how many lives have been ruined through drinking.But to my knowledge, no one has ever died of a blow job.

I just took some ecstasy, ain't no tellin' what the side effects could be.

I've never really been interested in recreational drug use.

I always think it's better to be not taking drugs or drinking or anything. That's not saying I've never done it because I have. But I sort of learned I think after a while there has been - it didn't take me that long to realize that it wasn't a good thing.

There are more old drunks than there are old doctors.

I gotta quit smoking, doctor's orders, and the drinking, court orders.

There are more old drunkards than old doctors.

If people are not smoking, they'll probably be drinking more.