Mitch Hedberg Quotes

Gorillas are in danger of being wiped out by the Ebola virus. I feel like we have limited time to get to know them and understand them and they're going to disappear - that's terrifically sad. Wouldn't it be great if we could stop that?

Every time you lose an animal, it's like losing a brick from the house. Pretty soon the house just falls down, you know?

Shelters, conservationists, those concerned about unnecessary cruelty toward the animals we eat, and people working against species extinction fight to preserve the true riches of our planet, our real inheritance. These are big, critical goals.

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

Maybe I should write 'Tiger Who?' on my cap.

We'll be back to our nature documentary, 'Baggy the Anorexic Elephant' in just a second.

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

Animals are sentient, intelligent, perceptive, funny and entertaining. We owe them a duty of care as we do to children.

My favorite animal is a polar bear. They're going extinct, and I really don't want that to happen.

At independence, Tanzania had 350,000 elephants... in 1987, there were only 55,000 elephants left.

To preserve the buffalo as a species, the best thing we can do is eat them. Animals that people eat do not become extinct. That's why we have so many more chickens than bald eagles in this country.

Whether exotic wild animals have escaped or the owners have let them go, the problem is still there…. The damage has already been done.

If you think about it, every single species is endangered. Homo sapiens at the front of the line, mosquitoes and lawyers at the back.

I love sprinting, but I hate long-distance running. Isn't that funny?

For almost two centuries, American gray wolves, vilified in fact as well as fiction, were the victims of vicious government extermination programs. By the time the Endangered Species Act was passed in 1973, only a few hundred of these once-great predators were left in the lower 48 states.

I want to do a big donation to the pandas for all the panda lovers out there.

We see them [animals] as the Ice Age is ending and we know that actually in the long run, they're not going to make it. And there's something beautiful about that, beautifully sad. The way the characters are woven together in the film adds to the emotion because they need each other. The message is that it doesn't matter what species you are, you can still love each other and that is a fantastic message.

When we were on acid, we would go into the woods, because there was less chance that you would run into an authority figure. But we ran into a bear. My friend Duane was there, raising his right hand, swearing to help prevent forest fires. He told me, "Mitchell, Smokey is way more intense in person!"

I was at Michael Jackson's house, and this kid runs out, 'Wait, save me!'

It's the one species I wouldn't mind seeing vanish from the face of the earth. I wish they were like the White Rhinosix of them left in the Serengeti National Park, and all males.

I was at a bar, and this guy bumped into me, and he did not apologize, and he said, "Move!" I thought that was rude, so I said, "Go to hell!" Then I started to run. He caught up to me. He had a mustache, a goatee, a pair of earrings, sunglasses, a ponytail and he was wearing a hat. He said, "Hey, you got a lot of nerve!" I said, "Hey, you got a lot of... cranium accessories!"

He had on a funny T-shirt, as usual. Today's featured acartoon figure running from a giant T. rex, and it read EXERCISE: SOME MOTIVATIONREQUIRED.

When I'm at home alone, I run up the stairs naked. It's quite funny.

Amphibians are dying out like crazy, and frogs and salamanders may be largely extinct by the end of the twenty-first century. Imagine an animal that begins its life in the water, but ends it on land - already, that's pretty weird. But, also, a lot of them are incredibly tiny and look wildly improbable. They have funny little toes, they stretch their throats into weird bubble shapes when they croak, and some of them are poisonous to the touch. I think kids from the twenty-second century might mythologize amphibians the way kids today mythologize dinosaurs.

Jordan ran the London marathon to help raise money for the blind. After jogging that far with her body, I'm surprised she hasn't joined them!