Susan Ford Quotes

I don't like doing stand-up, because I don't like standing up.

Nobody likes me,” he concluded at the tail end of a ten-minute pity fest. “Can’t imagine why,” Quinn murmured. I turned my snort of laughter into a fake cough, which was an embarrassingly feeble attempt at subterfuge when you consider the fact that I didn’t have any lungs.

I am terribly shy, but of course no one believes me. Come to think of it, neither would I.

My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set.

I don't have big anxieties. I wish I did. I'd be much more interesting.

My problem is people seem to laugh at me, but the one that laughs harder than anybody is me.

Clearly I am a person who suffers from a lack of ego.

There's this unspoken club where you say to each other: Oh God, if they only knew how ordinary I was, they wouldn't be interested. That includes movie stars and politicians.

In my own mind, I was sort of a desperate kid.

I'm just not very funny.

I don't think I'm funny.

It's no accident that I'm not married and don't have kids yet. Because, despite what I've achieved in my career, I'm always wondering when somebody's gonna tap me on the shoulder and say, 'OK, the gig is up.'

I'm a Virgo and I'm more - I don't want to say 'negative' - but I'm the girl who thinks no one's coming to my birthday party, no one's buying my clothes, no one's reading my book, no one's watching my show - that's just how I think.

At this point, if I were to psychoanalyze myself, I'd have to say I am a clown, cleverly disguised as a regular person.

I'm always a little worried when people have met me in person because I'm worried they'll be disappointed.

I giggle when I put myself down. It's just funny to me.

I was afraid of having to present my big nose to strangers.

We live in a constant fear that our shortcomings will be exposed to family, to friends and to the world.

I start to feel like I can't maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through. And I wish I knew what was wrong. Maybe something about how stupid my whole life is.

A lot of people assume that women of a certain age who are not unattractive have no excuse for not having a perfect life. But you can have emotional baggage that is dragging you down like cement blocks tied to your feet.

He [Richard Nixon] was more lacking in self-confidence than any leading politician I have known.

If you set the attractiveness bar really low, people have to compliment you on your looks when they meet you in person. I'm pretty much a genius. I'm actually applying to work at the Genius Bar based on this trick.

I don't think it would be very difficult for me to open the chapters of my life because there isn't much there.

I was scared of failure, of being a one-hit wonder, never being able to write another song again, never being able to sing again. Maybe everything that I think I am and who I want to be never will happen.

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.