Noel Coward Quotes

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

You know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy.

I've always enjoyed making people laugh. But in order for me to be funny, I have to get ticked off about something.

You know what burns me? Matches.

Crankiness is at the essence of all comedy. My wife and I were discussing the different types of cranky. There's entertaining cranky, annoying cranky, angry cranky.

If you ask me if I'm okay again, I'm going to smack myself in the face just to punish you.

Why don't you make a contibution to my sanity, and do the one thing you never seem to be able to do... SHUT UP!!!

Well, excuuuuuse me!

It's important that I get time to run, to just go for a jog for about 30 minutes. It helps with my voice, but it also kind of gives me a little bit of time to myself - and you get to see a city.

I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.

I like to call everyone that I find slightly annoying a 'sociopath.'

My brother asked me once, 'Are you a misanthrope?' And I said, 'No, I just find people irritating.'

Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there.

Hiking is the best workout!... You can hike for three hours and not even realize you're working out. And, hiking alone lets me have some time to myself.

One of the interesting things about comedy is it's tension release, and nothing creates tension faster than anger.

All the therapists would tell me was that I was the only healthy person they knew.

Ever since I gave up therapy, it's my only time with a captive audience.

I get in a temper with inanimate objects. I can't bear plastic. I do get in a complete rage with something that's been shrink-wrapped.

People only call you 'my dear' when they are irritated with you.

"Nasty Man" isn't a laughing matter, but you have to laugh anyway. The song, itself, becomes something of a laughing matter because we'd go crazy if we didn't keep laughing.

Forgive us our trespasses," says Margarethe, "and get out of our way.

There are two types of people in the world: those who think everyone needs therapy, and those who have never been.

I am not menopausal. I just wanted half an hour alone. Is that too much to ask? A crappy half hour!

I wear a name tag to help people find me. It saves time when you're dealing with idiots.

Hello, Harry" said George, beaming at him. "We thought we heard your dulcet tones." "You don't want to bottle up your anger like that, Harry, let it all out," said Fred, also beaming. "There might be a couple of people fifty miles away who didn't hear you.