Scott Westerfeld Quotes

Well, excuuuuuse me!

Crankiness is at the essence of all comedy. My wife and I were discussing the different types of cranky. There's entertaining cranky, annoying cranky, angry cranky.

You know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy.

I'd like to give divorce a good name.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I'm just waiting for people to start asking me to make the rain disappear.

I think it's better, if people aren't getting on, that they should divorce.

My neighbor's not even listening to me. He's all excited about some garden hose he bought at Brookstone. He's convinced it was designed by NASA. "Actually, it's got two nozzles, one for the hot and one for the..." Really? Is it long enough to go around both our necks and the chimney so we can tandem jump off of this? That's all I really care about you and your little garden hose.

Annoyed?” said Sophie. “Why should I be annoyed? Someone only filled the castle with rotten aspic, and deafened everyone in Porthaven, and scared Calcifer to a cinder, and broke a few hundred hearts. Why should that annoy me?

It’s just a mild disagreement, Papa. Remi has this whole need to breathe in and out, which annoys me. If he would just stop breathing, I’d be fine. (Aimee)

I've always enjoyed making people laugh. But in order for me to be funny, I have to get ticked off about something.

I swear, if you existed I'd divorce you.

You know what burns me? Matches.

Heather knows why and when her marriage ended with Richie and she knows why my marriage ended with Charlie.

In some cases, I quite like irritating people who need to be irritated.

Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there.

Take my wife... Please!

My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?

It's like when a guy gets a divorce from his wife. You part ways. That's what I did with The Beach Boys.

Nuts!

Nothing you could do would make me mad. You're a complete official failure.

I was so furious I was actually dizzy with it. There were so many bitchy, sarcastic observations to make, I was having a sarcasm stroke. "My God! You people! You're - you're so stupid you're making my eyeballs throb. They're throbbing, dammit!

Forgive us our trespasses," says Margarethe, "and get out of our way.

[Jenks]"I think you're all screwy in the head," he said when Bis nodded his encouragement. "But go ahead. I've got Quen's number in my phone. I'll call him if you both explode in a flash of black underwear and money so I won't have to fly all the way home.

Would you like me to go and stick my head in a bucket of water?