Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I have been drunk now for over two weeks.

I used to drink a bottle of vodka a day, every day, for about 40 years and it never occurred to me it'd kill me. If I'd have continued it might have killed me. My doctor said I should stick to wine.

[Dean Martin] is an absolute, unqualified drunk. And if we ever develop an Olympic drinking team, he's gonna be the coach... Dean Martin has been stoned more often than the United States embassies.

Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.

One drink is too many for me and a thousand not enough.

It's that idea that you can have one drink - and no you can't. Within a week I was drinking heavily. It was so quick that even I was like, 'Wow.'

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

I've just had eighteen straight whiskies. I think that's the record.

We used to drink an awful lot of alcohol.

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

I knew at quite a young age that I had an issue with drinking.

When I was 20, I was drinking. When I was 30, I was drinking more, and at 40, way too much.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

He is a drunkard who takes more than three glasses though he be not drunk.

In my family, they were all big boozers.

The greatest pleasure of this people [Russians] is drunkenness.

We knew the old liar drank a lot, but now we know just how much: 'He begins the morning with a sherry, then has a bottle of Burgundy with lunch. He often has a glass of port after lunch, but always one after dinner. There is whiskey in the afternoon and Champagne with dinner. Then some more port, and a glass of Cognac. As the night goes on, a whiskey and soda...'

My relationship in the past with alcohol has been both good fun and unhealthy.

The English are very indulgent to episodes of alcoholic insanity.

In the back of my mind for many years, I had always felt that my relationship with alcohol, although seemingly harmless was unhealthy and somewhat destructive.

You're a beautiful drunk, daughter. But you're a drunk.

I always drank, from when it was legal for me to drink. And there was never a time for me when the goal wasn't to get as hammered as I could possibly afford to. I never understood social drinking, that's always seemed to me like kissing your sister.

Your husband drinks too much if he says he never drinks alone, but considers the goldfish somebody.

You know a little drink now and then never hurt nobody, but when you can't git started without asking the bottle, you in trouble.

I acquired that drinker's face before I drank. Drink only confirmed it. The space for it existed in me.