Retta Quotes

I don't get many hecklers now but answering them is an art form in itself.

But if applause throws off your timing, then you're not the kind of comedian I would like to see. All you have to do is stand there and take it.

I can handle boos. Boos entertain me.

Especially when I'm heckled, that's a sticky situation because I don't defuse it... I really envy guys who have a grittier onstage presence and can really go after someone. I used to teach preschool.

I'm a good counter comedian. I can just work it off with looks, or have something crazy to say back. That works for me.

One of the first things you ever learn as a stand-up is don't show fear.

Thank you ... San Francisco. All right, you're ruining the show. Thank you ... for clapping for what my parents are ashamed of.

There's two types of hecklers. If someone says something really funny it's normally them heckling as part of the show. They're trying to add onto one of your jokes. If someone says something really funny, I've never seen a comedian abuse them, you always sort of tip your hat a little bit if they nail it.

Granted, not really a joke, but how often do you get a mic in your hand? You know? So. I am sorry but don't anybody trip on my soap box on the way out. Don't anybody trip over that. And the chip on my shoulder's a little heavy. I have back problems now.

I remember doing a lot of comedy. I always loved that feeling when you do something on stage and you can feel the vibe of the audience turn, and they start laughing. It's how you know something's not right, and how to fix it, or how to make the moment stronger or funnier.

I never could tell a joke. I just started talking to the audience, and when the drunks would yell, "Hey, when do the broads come on?" I got good at saying, "Relax. Clear your skin up first." They called me "the insult guy," but it's never mean-spirited. I'm just exaggerating everything about us and about life.

I'm much more interested in making people laugh than getting applause breaks.

If I tell a joke on stage and the crowd laughs for a minute, I stand there for a minute and enjoy them laughing before I go on to the next joke. On TV, if I stand there for a minute while they laugh, I look like an idiot who can't remember the next joke.

If we live inside a bad joke, it is up to us to learn, at best and worst, to tell it well.

Stand-up in general is the most raw form of entertainment. There is no pyrotechnics or back-up dancers, it's just live and die by your jokes, that's it.

I had a real passion for performing. I craved the attention. I was a goofy kid just like I am a goofy adult. So as soon as I got the bug of getting laughs and getting on stage I just couldn't stop.

In a way, comedy is like sex. The more noise you hear, the better you think you're doing.

[Stand-up] might be ballsy, but I'd rather not be an actor. Actors are tools.

I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators. Stand-up comedy is very much a conversation. It's very personal, stylistically.

I did one of the worst shows for that kind of thing in Northampton, Massachusetts, which is one of the most liberal spots on the planet. There were numerous people who walked out, somebody had thrown a beer, I had people yelling and screaming.

I think anybody in front of a crowd is a comedian.

One of the reasons I still do stand-up is because it was so hard in the beginning that I feel like it would be such a shame not to redeem it that it's all fun.

There's a guy in the audience with a distinctive laugh. I hope that guy is miked. The only problem with having a distinctive laugh is I know exactly when that guy isn't laughing. "Oh, distinctive laugh doesn't think that joke was funny!"

I'm tired of explaining to Hollywood that people would laugh at me, because I go around America making them laugh every week. Nobody would be offended, nobody would think my leather pants are too controversial.

I'm very lucky in that I've gotten to do a lot of things. But if you ever put a gun to my head and said, "You can only do one," I'd think it would be stand-up. I think it's the coolest job in the world.