W. C. Fields Quotes

I wanna get drunk 'til I'm off my mind. One bourbon, one scotch, and one beer.

Tequila. Straight. There's a real polite drink. You keep drinking until you finally take one more and it just won't go down. Then you know you've reached your limit.

He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days.

I have fed purely upon ale; I have eat my ale, drank my ale, and I always sleep upon ale.

Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.

We used to drink an awful lot of alcohol.

Not drunk is he who from the floor - Can rise alone and still drink more; But drunk is They, who prostrate lies, Without the power to drink or rise.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

One drink is too many for me and a thousand not enough.

He is a drunkard who takes more than three glasses though he be not drunk.

The greatest pleasure of this people [Russians] is drunkenness.

Liquor drinking is not a wrong; but excessive drinking is.

I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.

Getting drunk . . . you're in complete control up to a point. It's your choice, every time you take a sip. You have a lot of small choices. It's like . . . I guess it's the difference between suicide and slow capitulation . . .

I drink for the honorable purpose of getting bagged.

Lo! the poor toper whose untutored sense, Sees bliss in ale, and can with wine dispense; Whose head proud fancy never taught to steer, Beyond the muddy ecstasies of beer.

I like a drink, mate. I'll have maybe 10 or 12 pints on a good night out.

All men, even those we call savages, have been so tormented by the passion for strong drinks, that limited as their capacities were, they were yet able to manufacture them.

Drinking habits were very prevalent among men, and were not in any way disgraceful, unless excessive.

I've just had eighteen straight whiskies. I think that's the record.

The worse you are at thinking, the better you are at drinking.

You don't quite know how drunk you are until all of a sudden you're on the floor.

Because of the high altitude, you get drunk really fast. So everyone's drunk all the time.

Drink not the third glass, which thou canst not tame, when once it is within thee.

Drink the first. Sip the second slowly. Skip the third.