Adam Carolla Quotes

I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second... or the fifth. I'll just begin with what I can remember and not concern myself with order.

I had sex with a couple guys but it wasn't a baseball team. I saved that for my twenties.

and then she asks me how many sexual partners I've had and I say one or two depending on your definition of what I did to Custer . . .

I don't have to announce all the women I've slept with.

It's been so long since I made love, I can't even remember who gets tied up.

Whether I pound or am being pounded, all the same there will be moaning!

If you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay, or married.

for a man of 55 who didn't get laid until he was 23 and not very often until he was 50 I think that I should stay listed via Pacific Telephone until I get as much as the average man has had

When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.

Carnal knowledge is as forgettable as the other kinds.

After making love I said to my girl, "Was it good for you too?" And she said, "I don't think this was good for anybody."

I didn't lose my virginity until I was twenty-six. Nineteen vaginally, but twenty-six what my boyfriend calls "the real way".

Baz. "Have you ever done this before?" Simon. "Yes. No." "Yes or no?" "Yes. Not like this." Baz. "Not with a boy?" Simon. "Not when I really wanted it.

Bragging that you had sex with a prostitute is like bragging that you got Doritos out of a vending machine.

I mean if you two were to make love, that would be gay. Two men touching each other physically and emotionally...erotically caressing each other...on the hood of a car...or the back of a movie theater.

I was a superlate bloomer, and I was kind of a prude. I always wanted to be able to keep the number of people I've had sex with very low, because I never wanted to have to tell my future wife, "Oh, yeah, I was with 30 people."

I'm no expert, Rock, but I don't think I have any poontang...to give you.

Before we got engaged, he never farted. Now it's a second language.

... some of the best sex I can barely remember.

I wish it was that easy to get turned on for me - at this point, I need a bottle of Belevere and a fighterjet.

When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be.

I'm in favor of sexual encounters.

I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.

As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'

Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.