Bob Hope Quotes

The reason they call it 'golf' is that all the other 4 letter words were used up.

Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.

I like to go out on the golf course and talk, cut up, and tell jokes.

Golf is an exercise in Scottish pointlessness for people who are no longer able to throw telephone poles at each other.

I always said that if they have a golf course like this in heaven, I want to be the head pro.

It's a really good place for me to be, on the golf course.

Fortunately, I can play a lot of golf with my job.

I have a very good sense of humour. I love telling jokes, especially on the golf course.

I hate golf! I still can't believe Alice Cooper plays golf!

I'm obsessed with golf, so I love going to play golf.

I don't play golf.

Talking about golf is always boring. Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball; only the part where you drive the cart.

My mom's been having a hard time lately. She just found out that she has to have both of her breasts removed - if she's ever going to be good at golf.

I don't suppose you offered to help?" "Sage," Adrian declared. "These hands don't do manual labor." He knocked another ball into a hole. "You want to play?" "What? With you?" "No, with Clarence." He sighed at my dumbfounded look. "Yes, of course with me.

I was lying ten and had a thirty-five foot putt. I whispered over my shoulder: "How does this one break?" And my caddie said, "Who cares?"

I played golf... I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying.

I've always tried to play golf with a golf club. I have a hard time driving with my rifle. I mean, 18 is really narrow ... I have no problem with the course, except for the tee shot on 18.

I never pray on a golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course.

How did I make a twelve on a par five hole? It's simple - I missed a four foot putt for an eleven.

Fairway: a narrow strip of mown grass that separates two groups of golfers looking for lost balls in the rough.

When you did the job, you thought you were just trying to amuse your friends who are all on the job. I'm just trying to make the sound guy laugh, the script supervisor. A movie like Caddyshack, I can walk on a golf course and some guy will be screaming entire scenes at me and expecting me to do it word for word with him. It's like, 'Fella, I did that once. I improvised that scene. I don't remember how it goes'. But I'm charmed by it. I'm not like, 'Hey, knock it off'. It's kind of cool.

Golf: The most ... perfect expression of National Stupidity.

Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.

It was a morning when all nature shouted Fore! The breeze, as it blew gently up from the valley, seemed to bring a message of hope and cheer, whispering of chip shots holed and brassies landing squarely on the meat. The fairway, as yet unscarred by the irons of a hundred dubs, smiled greenly up at the azure sky.

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.