Lee Westwood Quotes

I never pray on a golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course.

When you see grown men near to tears because they've missed hitting a little white ball into a hole from three feet, it makes you laugh.

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.

If there's a golf course in heaven, I hope it's like Augusta National. I just don't want an early tee time.

Actually, I am a golfer. That is my real occupation. I never was an actor. Ask anybody, particularly the critics.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

If golf wasn't enjoyable and there wasn't a lot of humor and enjoyment, even though the game is so frustrating, you would wonder why you put yourself through it.

Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.

I wish I were as sure of anything as Charles (Krouthammer) is about everything.

I'm not good at anything! I can do, like, two voices.

Sometimes I think that Jesus watches my neurotic struggles, and shakes his head and grips his forehead and starts tossing back mojitos.

Golf is an exercise in Scottish pointlessness for people who are no longer able to throw telephone poles at each other.

Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.

I've studied golf for almost 50 years now and know a hell of a lot about nothing.

Fang and I searched in every way we could think of and found a million institutes of one kind or another, in Manhattan and throughout New York state, but none of them seemed promising. My favorite? The Institute for Realizing Your Pet's Inner Potential. Anyone who can explain that to me, drop a line.

So you walk up to this man sinner and you say, "God loves you and He has a wonderful plan for your life!" and he goes, "What? God loves me? That's fantastic. I LOVE ME, TOO! And He loves me more than I love me? Well, that's hard to imagine. I'll take a God like that. You got two of them?"

You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment and nobody else shows up and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time.

I tried to explain as much as I could," Poppet says. "I think I made an analogy about cake." "Well, that must have worked," Widget says. "Who doesn't like a good cake analogy?

I hate taking myself seriously. It drives me crazy!

Know what the best thing about insomnia is? That I get to stay up all night figuring it out.

Dear old al-Maarri was a great skeptic poet. He wrote a parody of the Koran, and his friends would tease him and say, "al-Maarri, but no one says your Koran." And he said, "Yes, but give me time. Give me time. If people recite it for twenty years it will become as popular as the other one."

I need to develop some patience - immediately.

I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I've ever written, and I hope it's the first book you've ever read. Don't make a habit of it.

I always said that if they have a golf course like this in heaven, I want to be the head pro.