Groucho Marx Quotes

The principle of give and take is the principle of diplomacy - give one and take ten.

Money can be exchanged for goods and services!

I never dreamed I'd be a spokesman for anything. But Pac Bell just asked me. The money was OK; the scripts were fun because I had to do in 30 seconds what it takes a whole feature to do and because the dysfunctional family of agents, managers and lawyers who represent me said it was cool.

We had a great many horses, of which we gave Lewis and Clark what they needed, and they gave us guns and tobacco in return.

John Cleese once told me he'd do anything for money. So I offered him a pound to shut up, and he took it.

I saw a boy of the crew purchasing javelins of them with bits of platters and broken glass.

No trade will be made unless they want the thing more than they want their money.

Money was of no value whatever. Gold is quite unknown; it is thought to be brass; trade is carried on by barter alone. The people know nothing of money.

Money is not, properly speaking, one of the subjects of commerce; but only the instrument which men have agreed upon to facilitate the exchange of one commodity for another

Talking to people is not giving them anything.

It is never exactly clear what makes something a quid or a quo.

And what will you give me in return, Severus?' 'In - in return?' Snape gaped at Dumbledore, and Harry expected him to protest, but after a long moment he said, 'Anything.

The man in the coon skin cap in the pig pen wants eleven dollar bills, you've only got ten.

Carlitos is amazing. He does what he wants with the Arabs. He tells them "I want to go to Buenos Aires" and they say "No, Carlitos, stay here now, we'll give you more money". And then he gets more money!

I proved to you that psychiatry is an exact science!" "An exact science?!" "Yes, you owe me exactly one hundred and forty-three dollars!

Hollywood called me, asking me, "How much to do a movie with Farrah Fawcett?" "$50,000" They called back, "How about $20,000?" I said, "I'll pay it!"

A cat for a hat, or a hat for a cat. But nothing for nothing.

To get squares you have to give up squares.

I always tell the producers, if I can't get the girl at the end of the picture, at least give me more money.

If a guy pays you five dollars, you give him seven dollars worth of work.

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

Yes! I'm the slowest comic-book writer on Earth.

For five hundred dollars, I'll name a subatomic particle after you. Some of my satisfied customers include Arthur C. Quark and George Meson.

I've always liked reading books that contain funny lines or situations, and maybe because my work is known chiefly for its violence and misery, I made a more conscious attempt with The Heavenly Table to do that myself.

When you start to talk about comic books, a lot of the time, people forget about the comic part of it. They need to be funny.