Rita Rudner Quotes

I don't want to have so many exes.

I mean everybody's got ex-boyfriends and girlfriends. Everybody's got baggage.

Ghosts of Marriages Past can haunt many aspects of a new relationship - your expectations of what a man should do, how you behave in conflict, your ideas of how commitment should look - they can even make your new man look untrustworthy when he's really behaving normally.

I am gay. I've had two boyfriends most of my life.

I hate all those flirty-birty games that women make up. Life's too short. If you ever find a man you love, don't waste time hanging your head and simpering. Go right up to him and say, 'I love you. How about getting married?

Tell not thy previous loves to a woman, lest she also telleth thee hers.

I think anyone who gives you relationship advice goes off of past relationships they have that didn't work. You've got to follow your own path.

I was vulnerable every day. Every night that I stepped on stage I was laying myself open.

I get on with all my exes, so there's nothing I need to forget about. I don't know - life is shorter than it seems.

Bitterly I wondered if Hardy was going to overshadow every relationship for the rest of my life, haunting me like a ghost. I didn't know how to let him go. I'd never even had him.

When it comes to letting the world in on the secrets of his heart, he has about as much shrinking reticence as a steam calliope.

My first date has been...mythologized as 'Bieber's Dating Disaster.' I took her to a buffet restaurant. Yes, I wore a white shirt. Yes, I got spaghetti.

Romantic souvenirs had a way of attaching themselves to one when one wanted to move on, but they were not to be taken seriously.

Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.

Our ex-wifes always harbour secrets about us that make them irresistable. Until, of course, we remember who we are and what we did and why we are not married anymore.

You hold on to old experiences: injuries, injustices, and great love affairs, too. And you hold them in your joints and your organs, and wear them on your skin.

It is a little remarkable, that - though disinclined to talk overmuch of myself and my affairs at the fireside, and to my personal friends - an autobiographical impulse should twice in my life have taken possession of me, in addressing the public.

I don't think that you should be per­fectly candid and frank about the intimate details of your personal life with the public at large. Subsequently, it creates consider­able personal problems.

I'm not going to talk about my private life with a total stranger, unless I feel like I need to. Why would I? I don't.

We live in the age of mass loquacity.We are all writing it or at any rate talking it: the memoir, the apologia, the c.v., the cri de coeur.

It is a terrible thing to be so open: it is as if my heart put on a face and walked into the world.

Text a guy you like right now, "I'm thinking about you." If he says, "mmm are you in bed?" Never speak to him again he's a lifelong moron.

We can't own each other's past. The questioin is whether we have a future together.

How would I treat a girl if she was my girlfriend? I'm a really affectionate person and I like being a gentleman.