Nick Gehlfuss Quotes

My dad was a doctor, and he would tell us a lot of nasty, funny stories from the hospital. It was funny to me when I'd go over to other people's houses and they didn't talk about intestines at the table.

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee.

PHYSICIAN, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.

Tobin," Mom said disapprovingly. She wasn't a particularly funny person. It suited her professionally - I mean, you don't want your cancer surgeon to walk into the examination room and be like, "Guy walks into a bar. Bartender says, 'What'll ya have?' And the guy says, 'Whaddya got?' And the bartender says, 'I don't know what I got, but I know what you got: Stage IV melanoma.

A doctor is not a mechanic. A car doesn't react with a mechanic, but a human being does.

In the name of Hippocrates, doctors have invented the most exquisite form of torture ever known to man: survival.

I treated as few patients as I could as a medical student, and I never practiced medicine.

I'm a physician first and foremost. I will always be a physician.

Whether it's possible or not, being a doctor, you take an oath. To care for your patient, not to kill them. You take an oath to do things that are proper in the medical world. Not to administer something outside of a hospital setting that's not even your area.

It's funny, having the same name as someone. Me, Emma Watson and Emma Stone, the amount of times I've been called Emma Watson or Emma Stone is so funny. It's just 'cause we're all named Emma. None of us look alike.

For people who don't know me, I practiced medicine in Casper, Wyoming for 25 years as an orthopedic surgeon, taking care of families in Wyoming. I've been chief of staff of the largest hospital in our state. My wife is a breast cancer survivor.

I truly think comedy is - being funny is DNA. My dad was a doctor, a wonderful doctor, and people still come up to me today, 'Your father helped my mother die.' You know what I'm saying? He made her laugh 'til she died. My father was always very funny.

I never quite envisioned myself a proper doctor under that white coat, but I was interested in the idea of healing and in the psychological dimension rather early on.

One of the shortcomings of our medical system is that doctors have very little time with their patients.

I'm a misplaced American, but don't know where I was misplaced.

No health care provider may be penalized for discussing medically necessary or appropriate care with or on behalf of his or her patient.

Any time I go to a hospital, the doctors treat me like an equal, and I'm terrified I'll be in the delivery room, and the doctor will say, 'Noah. Noah, why don't you get a hand in here?' and I'll pass out or throw up and be horribly embarrassed.

Originally, I was in high school, and I was studying biology, and I got really interested in the field of medicine. And then, I got a lot of early exposure to it because my father's a physician, and I saw the relationship that he had with his patients, and it was something that drew my attention to how wonderful the field was.

I am a career physician. I practiced for 32 years before I began my career as a public servant.

Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!" The man says, "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says, "The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner...."

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?

Oh, my god. I'd be a terrible doctor. I don't like to touch other people. There's a lot of gruesome stuff in my line of work to feel or to admit. I'm sure everyone's expecting me to say "proctologist," but actually no, I don't want to be a proctologist. Probably want to be a dentist, because you don't have to touch much of the other person's body, just their face or mouth.

The patient says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"

What should be the glory of the profession is that a doctor should be able to meet his patients with no financial anxiety.

Medicine is a very old joke, but it still goes on.