Stand-up Routine Quotes

I feel that I'm a stand-up comedian more than anything else, that's my job.

I don't think of myself as funny - I don't fill up a room with my humor... I would fail miserably as a stand-up comedian.

In earlier years, I was more of a clown with a big bag of tricks. I'd show up in the studio and kind of go, 'Well, what do you want? Do you want the screaming banshee or the howling owl?'

Those of you who are not aware of my brilliant career as a stand up comic, I'm not aware of it either so we might well wonder what we're doing here.

I like the purity of stand-up because it is all about whether people laugh at your jokes. Either they laugh or they don't.

Stand-up comedy - I love this job, and I gotta tell you, folks - knock wood - it's been working. 'Cause I was one of those kind of people, even when I had a regular job, I couldn't even call in sick right. You know, I was like, 'Hello? Yeah, I can't come in today. I have scurvy.

There's [John Mulaney Show] jokes that I have in stand up that I wouldn't try to put in, I would try to have someone just speak extemporaneously in the middle of a scene about an episode of "Law and Order" or something.

Rehearsals are for gags.

I started doing stand up when I was 19. Because I was underage at the time, at certain clubs I would be forced to wait outside until it was my time to go on stage. Then I would do my set, walk off, and be kicked out again.

The most frightening thing about playing Dick Gregory is I've never done stand-up before, and I had to learn how to be a stand-up comedian, which was a bit of a challenge.

Mama is my chance to be a stand-up comedian. In my mind, it's my chance to be Chris Rock.

I don't really have a pattern yet. I don't know if I'll develop one. As far as comedic integrity, I don't have integrity in general, comedic or otherwise.

When you improvise, you work off the laughs from the audience, but when you step on stage to do standup, it's silent.

I don't necessarily have a traditional stand-up set.

I can never tell when something is funny. I just have to do it onstage and find out.

[Stand-up] might be ballsy, but I'd rather not be an actor. Actors are tools.

I've never been able to write for stand-up.

If you see me doing a new stand-up special, it probably means I've been out of work for a while.

Two things I really wanted to be: a stand-up comic or a New York Yankee - or a really funny New York Yankee.

Lots of people do stand up shows with no narrative, but I love a beginning, a middle and an end.

I have to do stand-up. I have to do something comedy-involved every day, or else I will lose my mind.

I love doing [stand-up]. I love making people laugh no matter how. Whether it's a commercial, or a TV show, or a reality show, or a talk show, or a special, or a book. However I can make people laugh, that's what I want to do.

I've got too much respect for stand-ups to call myself one.

I took a stand-up comedy class because I'd always wanted to.

As far as guys who perform onstage, I love Chris Rock. I'm kind of jaded on everyone else.