Airline Policies Quotes

I don't visit my parents often because Delta Airlines won't wait in the yard while I run in.

I know easyJet is not luxury, but we certainly don't charge for wheelchairs or take away essentials. You have to make the passengers reasonably comfy for the sake of health.

You can't take a knife on a plane anymore, but you can get on carrying a virus.

I had redesigned my entire amplifier system for this tour because airlines are very strict now.

This is an especially good time for you vacationers who plan to fly, because the Reagan administration, as part of the same policy under which it recently sold Yellowstone National Park to Wayne Newton, has "deregulated" the airline industry. What this means for you, the consumer, is that the airlines are no longer required to follow any rules whatsoever. They can show snuff movies. They can charge for oxygen. They can hire pilots right out of Vending Machine Refill Person School.

There's no anger in my act towards anyone other than myself... and maybe airlines.

There should be an F.A.A. fine for those who bring hot food that emits odor onto the plane. You're deemed selfish, and you have to take some sort of social awareness class.

I'll tell you what's fun - finding the right stewardess and turning her upside down in the back of a plane.

Never, ever get on an American Airlines flight. They will make you wait four hours, and then, when you complain about it, you will be kicked off your flight, and they will rob you of your money.

Air travelers, of course, are famous for their hubris. They carry on too many bags and use the restroom when the seat-belt sign is on.

Airlines are interesting. They not only favor celebrities, they court them.

I need about three seats lengthwise to sleep on a plane. It's not easy for me to curl up.

On flights, I cannot travel economy class, as I am too huge to fit into that space. I always have to travel business class.