ILIZA SHLESINGER

I was a big fan of sketch comedy and cartoons growing up.

The women who are pool waitresses are another worldly species. They're half-desert lizards. They never have sunburns.

What I have found that my comedy is doing - and what really drives me - is to sort of bring women together through pointing out why we act so crazy.

Unfortunately, we don't live in a society where you can say whatever you want, and there will be no repercussions. Pick and choose your battles. I think that's the key.

At a certain point, I had so much artwork that I decided to respect the art and present them in a nice way, not just on a dusty shelf.

I got a job as a coat check girl at a nightclub - this was in my first few months of being in L.A.

I believe in having a neat workspace because everything else in my life is so unpredictable, and my mind is so crowded - I wake up with commercials from the '90s blaring in my head. I try to give myself a fighting chance by having an organized workspace.

I think people have to understand that 'empowering' for women doesn't mean negating men.

My mother always told me that you should have one room in your house where you celebrate all of your achievements. You shouldn't have them spread throughout.

What keeps me going is that this I all there is. I am a comedian, and this is what I do. It's like telling a fish to stop swimming. It'll die.

I don't think anyone leaves Las Vegas rejuvenated, their skin shining, their bank accounts glowing. No one leaves Vegas, like, 'I didn't make one mistake. That felt great. Back to work.'

Everybody has their cross to bear, and everybody has their issues. But it still never once occurred to me that I'm not as good as everyone else. And that's a gift I wish I could give to every girl.

If you think you're good enough, then you find it preposterous when somebody doesn't acknowledge that... That's propelled me in many ways - maybe thinking I deserve things that I don't at some time. But I'm always willing to put in the work.

I used to take a recorder around and interview my parents and do impressions of my classmates as guests on my show.

I didn't get an agent until after 'Last Comic Standing' - of course, getting on a show like that will get you attention.

To be labeled pathetic because you enjoy the company of a loving creature who is always down to hang out, sleep, and eat with you is unfair.

Getting on stage and screaming at all Republicans does nothing more than isolate people.

No matter who you date, people are going to make fun of them, jealous people are going to say stuff, people get creepy - all the things that come with the public eye.

There's nothing 'flash in the pan' about my career. It's been built fan by fan, city by city.

My whole life, I knew that I was going to be funny for a living.

Being sexually harassed is the worst. Sorry. Let me rephrase that. Being sexually harassed by an ugly guy is the worst... If he's hot, it's just plain old flirting.

You can hate me for being a woman, you can hate me for being smart, you can hate me for being funny, but you hate me because I am doing something you could never do. End of story.

I'm a huge sketch comedy fan, and I think my love of sketch is reflected in my stand-up in that I do a lot of vignettes and voices and characters.

There was a sketch group at Emerson, and if you could believe it, we were the cool kids. That's how Emerson rolls. I was a film major, but I spent most of my time doing that.

I was always rewarded for being funny. I liked being funny.