Lynda Barry Quotes

Pray steal me not, I'm Mrs. Dingley's, Whose heart in this four-footed thing lies.

Virgin me no virgins! I must have you lose that name, or you lose me.

I used to be called 'a Mexican guy who can walk a pack of dogs.' Now the world calls me 'The Dog Whisperer'.

You can't tell me the success of Kevin Bacon isn't somehow tied to his name. You're not going out to see a Kevin Hot-Dog movie.

Stevie Wonder always smells so good... I'm like a DEA dog, I can smell people a block away!

One of the hardest things in the world to say is "President Trump," and not out of disrespect - just because people have known him just as Donald Trump for so long. It would be like if people said, "He's a doctor now, call him Doctor Trump."

Your next-door neighbor is not a man; he is an environment. He is the barking of a dog; he is the noise of a piano; he is a dispute about a party wall; he is drains that are worse than yours, or roses that are better than yours.

Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.

I would introduce myself if it were not useless. The name I had last night will not be the same as the name I have tonight. For the moment, then, let me say that I am thinking of Sam Slovoda.

You know why dogs have no money? No pockets. 'Cause they see change on the street all the time and it's driving them crazy. When you're walking them, he is always looking up at you. "There's a quarter...."

Mousse was a Labrador retriever, which is a large enthusiastic bulletproof species of dog made entirely from synthetic materials. This is the kind of dog that, if it takes an interest in your personal regions (which of course it does) you cannot fend it off with a blowtorch.

Not everyone is comfortable with the kissing ritual. My husband is one of them. Her refuses to press lips with anyone except his wife, mother, and dog. If someone wanted to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, he would refuse until he had been formally introduced.

A dog came to my door, so I gave him a bone, the dog took the bone into the back yard and buried it. I'm going to go plant a tree there, with bones on it, then the dog will come back and say, "Shoot! It worked! I must distribute these bones equally for I have a green paw!"

Keep running after a dog and he will never bite you.

I wanted to change my name to Romeo Florentino. Romeo Florentino - that's a good fighter's name.

The dog is very smart. He feels sorry for me because I receive so much mail; that's why he tries to bite the mailman.

These days it's hard to look at a poodle without thinking what a good meal he would make.

The Democrats are going to change the name of the Hoover Dam. That is the silliest thing I ever heard of in politics . . . Lord if they feel that way about it, I don't see why they don't just reverse the two words.

I would have to go back to being a dog. I've called myself a dog for many years.

I'm gonna hump ya. Like Deputy Dog... Would hump ya.

You know what kills me about Jennifer Lopez? The fact that this woman wakes up one day and she's like, 'You know what? From now on, I'd like people to call me J-Lo,' and then they do it. Only a celebrity can get away with this. George Bush doesn't come out for his morning press conferences: 'From now on, I'd like to be referred to as G-Bu. Y'all know my vice president, Dog Chain.

A lot of shelter dogs are mutts like me.

I love my dog. I hate bankers. I have issues with women. In my head, I’m a great guy.

He that lieth down with Dogs, shall rise up with Fleas.

Number one way life would be different if dogs ran the world: All motorists must drive with head out window.