Henny Youngman Quotes

How many people have a family grave in the backyard? I'm sure I'll end up there, or I'll shrink my head and put it in a glass box in the living room. I'll get more tourists to Graceland that way.

People love to hate the gravedigger.

He would make a lovely corpse.

Tombs are the clothes of the dead and a grave is a plain suit; while an expensive monument is one with embroidery.

I love a cardboard coffin. Both Mummy and Daddy went off in cardboard coffins, painted - Daddy's was rifle green. Beautifully made.

We treated all of the dead with dignity.

Go now, verses, on your light feet, you have not trodden hard on the old earth where the graves laugh when they see their guests, the one corpse stacked on top of the other. Go now and stagger to her whom I do not know.

Personally I have no bone to pick with graveyards.

I have nothing against undertakers personally. It's just that I wouldn't want one to bury my sister.

The beautiful uncut hair of graves.

There's a coffin in the back of the church as the wedding is going on ... Look, I'm a romantic. I like marriage...In the movies.

A grave is such a quiet place.

Tombstones don't talk back.

I've a great fancy to see my own funeral afore I die.

Nowhere probably is there more true feeling, and nowhere worse taste, than in a churchyard.

The first funeral for Andrew Goodman was at night and it was a lot of work. To begin with they had to kill him.

I have my tombstone already. A tombstone company in the East gave it to me when I jumped Snake Canyon. My plot is in Montana.

My father died in France, and my sisters and I went over with my mum to bring back his body. I remember going to the funeral parlour in France and being given a laminated menu of coffins, and thinking, surely there is an ice cream at the back of here!

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

He is dead and gone, lady, He is dead and gone; At his head a grass-green turf, At his heels a stone.

Well, what do you expect? The Comedian is dead.

Requiescat Tread lightly, she is near Under the snow, Speak gently, she can hear The daisies grow. All her bright golden hair Tarnished with rust, She that was young and fair Fallen to dust. Lily-like, white as snow, She hardly knew She was a woman, so Sweetly she grew. Coffin-board, heavy stone, Lie on her breast, I vex my heart alone She is at rest. Peace, Peace, she cannot hear Lyre or sonnet, All my life’s buried here, Heap earth upon it.

I got the sexton, who was digging Linton's grave, to remove the earth off her coffin lid, and I opened it. I thought, once, I would have stayed there, when I saw her face again - it is hers yet - he had hard work to stir me; but he said it would change, if the air blew on it.

GRAVE, n. A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.