Henny Youngman Quotes

Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.

I wish I had the ability to crack wise, generally. You know, without getting punched. There's no way I could do it while getting beaten up. Definitely.

Wittiness turns me on more than anything else.

The sense of humor has other things to do than to make itself conspicuous in the act of laughter.

Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humor. He will always use it in evidence against you.

You have to be highly intelligent to get away with a dumb joke. That takes a pretty smart fella.

My sense of humor is a turkey, and I pull it out of the oven and baste it in reality.

A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road.

I think everybody would admit that we've got a sense of humor.

J. makes me laugh. He's incredibly dry and has a pretty harsh sense of humor that I enjoy.

I have an incredibly dry sense of humor.

In comedy, I hate that cop-out where you say, "Just kidding." I know you're just kidding. Don't insult my intelligence by spelling it out for me that much.

Are you always a smartass?' Nope. Sometimes I'm asleep.

Simon: Anyone ever tell you your sense of timing really sucks? Derek: That's why I don't play the drums. Now what's up?

I don't think I would describe my sense of humor. Doesn't sound like the kind of thing I'd do.

The things that make me laugh are considered smart or whatever, I guess. But stuff that's self-consciously intelligent or self-consciously hip or cool, that doesn't do it for me either. You just try to be funny.

Puns are the droppings of soaring wits.

All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.

Humor is probably the most significant characteristics of the human mind. Far more significant than reason. In fact, reason is actually a very cheap commodity.

Humor comes from the surprise release of some buried tension.

Sometimes a witticism has no truth behind it.

The problem with having a sense of humor is often that people you use it on aren't in a very good mood.

I'm not very funny!

I have a really dark, rich, thick sense of humor.