Groucho Marx Quotes

I think people are surprised to learn that I'm pretty goofy and pretty funny.

I like smart, funny, self-deprecating men.

I like girls who are funny with a warped sense of humor.

I'm a total goofball.

I'm kind of a goofy guy at heart.

I'm goofy. I like to have fun. I'm always joking around.

I'm known for being silly and fun and lighthearted.

I have a lot of personality and I'm funny.

As far as my personality, my friends and family know I'm crazy! I love to have fun; I'm bubbly. People say I'm funny but I don't know that I'm funny: I don't try to be funny and tell jokes and stuff like that, but I always got something slick to say.

She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.

This isn't a particularly novel observation, but the world is full of people who think they can manipulate the lives of others merely by getting a law passed.

I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.

Any place I hang my head is home.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do it blows your whole leg off.

My plans are still in embryo, a town on the edge of wishful thinking.

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!

Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor.

Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances. (Either that, or my luck's terrible.)

Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk with a slight limp and wear thick glasses.

I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

Do you mind if I don't smoke?

The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract-- Look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?

Whatever it is, I'm against it.

From the air, Vatican City looked like a marble Monopoly set. The Church owned all the property from Broadwalk to Illinois Avenue, has three hotels on every lot, and no matter how often it tossed the dice you just knew it would never land on Go to Jail, it would be forever passing Go and collecting $200.