Groucho Marx Quotes

Cigarettes are not a part of human behaviour, they are a habit.

I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

One does not re-light a dead cigarette.

I was a smoker for about 20 years.

A lot of people in my life are getting sick or potentially going to get sick from tobacco.

I smoke, isn't that terrible?

I'm not really a heavy smoker any more. I only get through two lighters a day now.

No one can use tobacco without more or less injury...

Now that I'm gone, I tell you: Don't smoke! Whatever you do, just don't smoke!

… Smoking sets a bad example.

If you don’t smoke, I don’t know why.

I was told to hand over my disposable lighter, to prevent, I suppose, any threat of "Do what I say or I'll light this Marlboro and you'll all die - in thirty years due to inhalation of secondhand smoke."

I got this big fear of doing smoking jokes in my act and showing up five years from now goin' [puts mic to his neck and speaks as if he had a mechanical larynx] 'good evening everybody, remember me, smoking's bad. [puts cigarette to neck and mimics smoking it] Eeww. You ever seen somebody do that? I've seen someone do that. Let me tell you something — if you're smoking out of a hole in your neck [mimics it again] I'd think about quitting. And that's just me, ya know.

I won't have to miss smoking any more. Nobody smokes where I'm going: It's like a row of restaurants in California.

To smoke or not to smoke: I can make of either a life-work.

This is it. I can't even not smoke anymore

My cigarettes and I are going outside. At least they show me respect.

The believing we do something when we do nothing is the first illusion of tobacco.

He lit a cigarette and handed it to me. I inhaled. Coughed. Wheezed. Gasped for breath. Coughed again. Considered vomiting. Grabbed the swinging bench, head spinning, and threw the cigarette to the ground and stomped on it, convinced my Great Perhaps did not involve cigarettes.

We all know smoking is bad. I know I'm going to quit someday, if I thought I wasn't I'd quit now.

Whatever you do, don't smoke.

I still probably smoke as much as I ever did!

Hey, I stopped smoking cigarettes. Isn't that something? I'm on to cigars now. I'm on to a five-year plan. I eliminated cigarettes, then I go to cigars, then I go to pipes, then I go to chewing tobacco, then I'm on to that nicotine gum

I'm over smoking. You know, I feel like I've gone on long hikes and gotten to the top of the mountain and I'm looking at something beautiful, some great huge landscape, and there's some of the cleanest air that's on the planet. And then I light up, and say, "Ahh, what a great smoking moment this is!" So it's something evil that's taken over, and I want control over it.

I know I should stop smoking, but it scares me. I mean, what would I turn to next?