Michael Ian Black Quotes

Just be funny. Funny always goes over well, so try to think of something funny to break the ice rather than being weird or using pickup lines.

I am trying to work out what my taste is, comedy-wise. I look up to stand up comedians who appear to be telling the truth, but I don't mind if they are lying.

Humor disarms people. It opens them up to starting a dialogue about things they wouldn't normally talk about. I don't understand how people who don't have a sense of humor get through life.

My comedy isn't going to solve problems; I'm not that deep.

Lying is not only saying what isn't true. It is also, in fact especially, saying more than is true and, in the case of the human heart, saying more than one feels. We all do it, every day, to make life simpler.

I call everyone 'Darling' because I can't remember their names.

I've often said the most difficult things I have to say to people through humour. I can very quickly put someone in their place with it. But we all walk away unscathed because there's been some funnies around it, and I'll usually make sure that it comes back at me.

If you can get humor and seriousness at the same time, you've created a special little thing, and that's what I'm looking for, because if you get pompous, you lose everything.

I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.

On Twitter, people just want to hear a joke. They don't really want to know about your life.

Comedy is just honesty. Whether things are going well or bad.

Hey, we've all got problems, chum. I'm overly talkative. You look like a field of buttercups in a suit.

Trying to be witty leads to lying, more or less.

You should tell the truth as often as you can, but in such a way as people don't believe you or think that you're being funny.

I'll pick "I'm kidding" anytime over "I'm lying."

You must not on any account give me credit for being penetrating. I have impressed people that way before, and the result is always disaster.

My girlfriend just told me I am one of the smartest people she knows. I told her, You need to meet other people.

You can lie at a banquet but you have to be honest in the kitchen.

It is not permissible to lie merely to save one's face. But it is sometimes permissible to lie to save another person's face.

I know I said sometimes I wear clothes but apparently I lied...I'm only packing swimsuits.

He who tells the truth says almost nothing.

I can't say whether we had more wit among us now than usual, but I am certain we had more laughing, which answered the end as well.

I could never make a joke about somebody unless I could say it to their face and they'd laugh.

Am I solemn? I had an idea I was grinning from ear to ear." "You look as if you were taking me to a prayer-meeting or a funeral. If that's a grin your ears are very near together." "Should you like me to dance a hornpipe on the deck?" "Pray do, and I'll carry round your hat. It'll pay the expenses of our journey.

The greater the stupidity, the greater the clarity. Stupidity is brief and guileless, while wit equivocates and hides. Wit is a scoundrel, while stupidity is honest and sincere.