Eoin Colfer Quotes

Even when I was in high school and the Navy, I was the guy who could rip somebody, and they'd laugh at it.

Oh, I've never been asked a silly question in my entire life.

I knew how to come up with jokes at someone's expense really fast.

Can the sarcasm,' he said. 'Please, I always use fresh sarcasm, never canned.

I can be sarcastic.

I'm not a big fan of comedy roasts because most of the time I find them to be really mean, but once in a while, you'll hear something perfectly worded and well-crafted.

I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.

My success comes in making fun of whatever you're doing. That's my way.

At this point, we've ripped on everyone.

There's no possibility of being witty without a little ill-nature.

I say things I get away with, and it becomes a joke.

What I don't like is snark for snark's sake. If you are going to make fun of me, at least be witty while doing it.

Even people that I agree with can do something that would be a target for a bit of humor.

A joke is a joke. There's an expression - I don't know if you have it - that's 'adding insult to injury.'

Raillery is a mode of speaking in favor of one's wit at the expense of one's better nature.

Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humor. He will always use it in evidence against you.

Personally, I just tease people a lot.

Congratulations, you have a sense of humor. And to those who didn't: Go stick your head in the mud.

I'm the easiest person to make fun of.

Half-brights consider it comedy gold to congratulate anyone they dislike for 'winning the Kentucky Derby!' The only thing more bracingly original to not-smart people is: 'Stay classy!'

I'm not mean. I can't do a roast.

These stories about my intellectual capacity really get under my skin. You know, for a while I even thought my staff believed it. There on my schedule first thing every morning it said, 'Intelligence Briefing.'

Have I missed a national holiday? There must be celebrations in the streets for you to be home at this hour of the day." "I'm calling it Summerset Goes Mute Day. The city's gone mad with joy.

Perhaps you'd care for a synonym bun," suggested the duke.

Oh, he is cute!” Shane said in a fake girly voice. “Gee, maybe we can ask him out!” “Shut up, you weasel. Claire, hit him!