Conan O'Brien Quotes

Earlier today, John McCain was in the news. John McCain gave his first press conference since the election. And he said, 'For a lot of people, Sarah Palin was an energizing factor during the campaign.' Unfortunately for McCain, those people are called Democrats.

People always say, "Could it have been a show about a conservative Republican administration?" No! Nobody wants to watch that! Watching Republicans flirt makes people queasy!

Remember, whenever a Republican leaves one side of the aisle and goes to the other, it raises the intelligence quotient of both parties.

I do like to make films with a political theme, but sometimes it's nice simply to make people laugh. That's the hardest thing to do in fact.

The stupider the regime the more intelligent the people get and the more humorous.

Obviously, we went after Trump quite a bit, but I also feel like, we can't be on anyone's side, really. We need to be on comedy's side, so we need to be fairly going after everyone, because the entire political system is a circus. So it's been fun and interesting, and I hope people enjoy the evolution of the show. It'll continue to evolve because you can't do the same show forever. I feel like people would get bored with that.

Many feel that sitting at a screen sweating over the design of handrail details for the next cute downtown boutique hotel just doesn't make sense when more than 150,000 people have lost their lives, more than five million people have been made homeless and whole towns have been swept away.

Mitt Romney said that he liked to fire people. Well, there's a pretty good message to send to Middle America. When Rick Perry heard that, he said, 'Well that's nothing. I like to execute people.'

Over 6 million people were evacuated from New Jersey ahead of the hurricane. And now, three of them have gone back.

The Republican Party is like the corpse in 'Weekend at Bernies' and the Tea Party is like the two guys who put sunglasses and a party hat on it and drag it around.

This visit is meant to express my closeness to our brothers and sisters who endured the suffering, loss and devastation caused by Typhoon Yolanda. Together with many people throughout the world, I have admired the heroic strength, faith and resilience demonstrated by so many Filipinos in the face of this natural disaster, and so many others.

You know who Boehner is, right? He's that orange looking guy. See, for Republicans that counts as diversity.

n case you missed it, this week, there was a tragedy in Kansas. Ten thousand people died - an entire town destroyed.

I kid the Republicans, with love. I feel bad for them. They got nobody for next time. Who are they gonna run? Sarah Palin, reading off her hand. Did you see that? You saw this? She wrote "tax cuts" on her hand. A Republican so stupid she has to be reminded of the one thing - Tax cuts! This is like if you saw the coyote's paw and it said "Road Runner".

Congress meets tomorrow morning. Let us all pray: Oh Lord, give us strength to bear that which is about to be inflicted upon us. Be merciful with them, oh Lord, for they know not what they're doing. Amen.

I think The New Yorker's cartoons aren't very political because the people who do the cartoons aren't awfully political people, and they aren't paid to be political. I think editorial cartoonists are. That's what they do. They probably have a great natural interest in politics, and then they are paid to do it, so they sort of have to hunt out these ideas. I admire editorial cartoons, but I'm also sort of happy that I don't do them because I'd hate to have to label things and I'd especially hate, more than anything, to label something Dennis Hastert or Mark Foley.

Events are moving fast in my campaign, and yes, it's true that this morning I've dismissed my entire team of senior advisers. All of their positions will now be held by a man named 'Joe the Plumber.'

I really like John McCain. He's an awesome dude and was a lot of fun when he hosted "SNL." I'd love to see a McCain-Giuliani "rage" ticket.

I did meet Mickey Mouse in California, and he seems to be writing the Labour party's economic policy at the moment.

Please tell me you're Republicans.

I tell people view the federal government as a source of entertainment. It's a lot easier.

The Democrats are the people who willingly allow their testicles in a lockbox somewhere.

People often ask me where I stand politically. It's not that I disagree with Bush's economic policy or his foreign policy, it's that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.

Jay Carney told the reporters at his morning briefing that he hoped they would watch the new movie about Obama's first term 'many times.' They might. Look how well 'Titanic' did at the box office.

Some of the best work done to combat the Republicans has been wit and humor.