Jeremy Hardy Quotes

A liberal is a person who believes that water can be made to run uphill. A conservative is someone who believes everybody should pay for his water. I'm somewhere in between: I believe water should be free, but that water flows downhill.

Conservatism by its very nature is compassionate.

Conservatives were brought up to hate deficits and justifiably so. We've long thought there are two things in Washington that are unbalanced - the budget and the liberals.

Compassionate conservative. I don't know what that is, it sounds like a Volvo with a gun rack.

It's much harder to be a liberal than a conservative. Why? Because it is easier to give someone the finger than a helping hand.

Republicans are for both the man and the dollar, but in case of conflict the man before the dollar.

The modern form of things had begun to appeal to me, also (as material for satire) politics, and the lives of the great and little, high up in the social scale.

When a conservative praises a liberal as 'morally serious,' he means that person is less liberal than most.

For me, my party views don't advance my narrative. Until I can find a way to write political satire like my idols Christopher Buckley or P.J. O'Rourke, I'll simply say what team I play for and leave it at that.

Political satire is a serious thing. In democratic newspapers throughout the world there are daily cartoons that often are not even funny, as is the case especially in many English-language newspapers. Instead, they contain a political message, and the artist takes full responsibility.

I've always been interested in socially political, or overtly political, comedy.

Every day I turn on my television set and I see Newt Gingrich on television, I rejoice.

I have some very personal feelings about politics, but I don't get into it because I do comedy already.

Republicans rarely criticize Obama for lack of empathy - in part because liberals have traditionally been seen as standing up for the weak and the vulnerable. Conservatives can be just as empathetic. But they believe that, in most cases, it's not government's role to be the primary dispenser of empathy.

I think up until the point when we started in the business, which was in the early '70s, most of the humor was political. The smart humor was political satire.

Sometimes people say I'm a political comedian, which, actually I'm not. I'm a comedian who sometimes discusses politics, culture - again, the word 'politics' to me is just life.

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

I have to say, after hanging out with Republicans for four days, I want to take a look at my own birth certificate. I don't think I was born in this country.

I'm so Republican, my first name starts with 'R.' I'm so right-wing - well, Randy Weber. You do the math.

Republicans sleep in twin beds—some even in separate rooms. That is why there are more Democrats.

I'm not a political comic.

Corporate corruption has ecological merits. It's helping to preserve that species known as Democrats - thought to be endangered as recently as the year 2000.

In a weird way, our satirists probably have the most complicated, nuanced views of our politics now - Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, John Oliver. I don't know what that says about our country.

I watch a lot of Bill Maher.

One thing really important is that we set out an agenda of compassionate Conservativism. That's what I've been trying to do in the Justice Department.