MORT SAHL

Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen.

I'm a radical, and I always have been.

If you were the only person left on the planet, I would have to attack you. That's my job.

Reagan won because he ran against Jimmy Carter. If he ran unopposed he would have lost.

My life needs editing.

I never met a man I didn't like until I met Will Rogers.

When people write comedy from neutrality, it just gets kind of silly.

I didn't think that anything is beyond humor - not profane humor, but a good, honest approach to humor.

I used to go to two movies every week for the Saturday matinee when I was a kid.

Professional comedians, surprisingly, have a lack of humor. They're insensitive to the insanity of our times.

People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.

Washington could not tell a lie; Nixon could not tell the truth; Reagan cannot tell the difference.

A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now!

Nixon's the kind of guy that if you were drowning fifty feet off shore, he'd throw you a thirty foot rope. Then Kissinger would go on TV the next night and say that the President had met you more than half-way

I was a writer. I couldn't sell anything, and the comedians were among the dumbest people I had ever met. They'd all say to me, 'The average man won't understand it.' You know, they're superior to the average man.

Too much comedy today is vulgar, not clever. I say that as a comedian and as a consumer.

My humor was Victorian - and still is.

Comedians have to challenge the power. Comedians should be dangerous and devastating - and funny. That's the hardest part.

There are talented people along the way, although very few come to mind. They're not very daring. Part of the problem is that comedians don't want to overthrow anything. They want to join it.

I dare say that if most comedians today, the gifted ones, were to sit down and write, they'd learn more about their craft. But what happens is they get out there before they learn what their viewpoint is, if any.

I was on stage last night, and I gave a medical report about Donald Trump. I said he was hospitalized for an attack of modesty.

There's a great feeling of powerlessness in America. When I express ideas to people, they say, 'That's terrific, but do you think it really counts?'

Too often, these comedy guys now only care about getting on and then getting off and getting rich.

I was always biting the hand that fed me. It was compulsive. Kennedy was very good to me, and I attacked him as soon as he was elected. I attacked him before he was elected.

Women have everything they want, and they've never been so unhappy.