GRAHAM CHAPMAN

We don't deliberately set out to offend. Unless we feel it's justified.

It's nice to see that look of alarm on the faces of the others.

Death can really absorb a person. Lik most people, I would find it pleasant not to have to go, but you just accept that it's more or less inevitable.

I can't talk to a man who bears an undeserved animosity towards ferrets.

Health care does not worry me a great deal. I've been impressed by some wonderful old people.

Dressing up as decrepit old ladies, and even decrepit young ladies, was one of our staples.

Stormy in love, stormy in interviews, breakfast in bed - that's me, love.

I hope I will have achieved something lasting.

John Howard Davies was not a very human person... if you made a mistake of any kind, any sort of pause in speech, he would treat you rather as if he was a schoolmaster.

World War II... did not happen to everyone, but it happened to most. There were people from Germany who were throwing bombs at us.

There is no cannibalism in the British navy, absolutely none, and when I say none, I mean there is a certain amount.

All ideas come about through some sort of observation. It sparks an attitude; some object or emotion causes a reaction in the other person.

You know, Python should have won a Grammy for our musical work on the show.

One, two, ... five!" "Three, my lord.

You know, there are many people in the country today who, through no fault of their own, are sane. Some of them were born sane. Some of them became sane later in their lives.

I'm afraid I'm not personally qualified to confuse cats, but I can recommend an extremely good service.

When you're chewing on life's gristle Don't grumble, give a whistle And this'll help things turn out for the best... And...always look on the bright side of life... Always look on the light side of life.

I'm having Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, baked beans, Spam, Spam and Spam!

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Oh, you're in television! That's interesting. No, I mean, the word television is interesting. It's a hybrid, you see: tele- comes from the greek, and -vision comes from the latin. It should have been either "telerama", or "procolvision".

I fart in your general direction.

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

You see, I don't belive that libraries should be drab places where people sit in silence, that has been the main reason for our policy of employing wild animals as librarians.

This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot.

Tis but a scratch!" "A scratch? Your arm's off!" "No it isn't." "Then what's that?" "Oh come on, pansy!