Jacob J. Lew Quotes

You can never in negotiations be totally predictable. The minute you’re predictable, they’re going to figure out how to take advantage.

During a negotiation, it would be wise not to take anything personally. If you leave personalities out of it, you will be able to see opportunities more objectively.

I'll tell you something: my dad was a nuclear engineer and he was really bright, and I've always said that because of negotiating at such a young age with my dad, it was really such a gift because I could then negotiate with very difficult personalities - and not end up being the scapegoat. I learned to really pick and choose my battles.

Trust-based mediation assumes accumulated and at times intimate knowledge shared by both the mediator and disputants.

Negotiation is empathy. It's almost trite to say that if you can't put yourself in the seat of the other person you're speaking with, you're not going to do well. It's not about being a bully, not about making offers people can't refuse.

When you expect to get into a negotiation, you expect to be faced by a guy that's going to attack you, a guy or gal that's going to attack or that they're going to try to get the best of you. Two-thirds of us, that makes us very defensive.

During negotiations nothing is gained by attacking people's comfort zones.

You have to walk in the other guy's moccasins. You have to think what they think. If you want to bring somebody onto your side, you have to figure out what motivates them. What do they need?

The most important thing in an argument, next to being right, is to leave an escape hatch for your opponent, so that he can gracefully swing over to your side without too much apparent loss of face.

The first principle of contract negotiations is don't remind them of what you did in the past - tell them what you're going to do in the future.

I do believe that in order to be a successful negotiator that as a diplomat, you have to be able to put yourself into the other person's shoes. Unless you can understand what is motivating them, you are never going to be able to figure out how to solve a particular problem.

I don't fight with people - like, I can barely fight with my husband because I'll just start crying instead.

Negotiation is not a policy. It's a technique. It's something you use when it's to your advantage, and something that you don't use when it's not to your advantage.

You cannot just dictate at negotiations. You must also listen.

Yes, negotiating is about money and the bottom line, but a lot of times, it's much more emotional and complex than that. Realizing that the economic outcome may not be the other party's top priority gives you more chips to play with and will enable you to achieve better results than you may have anticipated.

Emotions aren't the obstacles to a successful negotiation; they are the means.

I know how to stand up to a bully - but maybe more importantly how to work around a bully.

I'm a transactional lawyer, which involves a lot of negotiation. If nothing else, that's given me a good eye for human motivation and frequent case studies in peculiar psychological quirks. I think that's served me fairly well as a writer.

Conflict is good in a negotiation process... it's the clash of two ideas, which then, all being well, produces a third idea.

As we ride the elevator Gale finally says “You're still angry.” “And you're still not sorry,” I reply. "I will stand by what I said. Do you want me to lie about it?” he asks. “No, I want you to rethink it and come up with the right opinion,” I tell him.

Another rule I have is: Don't let your ego get tied up in a policy dispute. Otherwise, if things don't go your way, you can end up breaking a relationship with somebody with whom you can't afford to break.

You've got to be able to know someone really well to be able to have a row and then also walk away from it and not have it matter, especially in this business. That doesn't mean to say we have many rows but I think the nearest thing to a row would be just flatly disagreeing with something .

If each side had been frankly contending for its own real wish, they would all have kept within the bounds of reason and courtesy; but just because the contention is reversed and each side is fighting the other side’s battle, all the bitterness which really flows from thwarted self-righteousness and obstinacy and from the accumulated grudges of the last ten years is concealed from them by the nominal or official "Unselfishness" of what they are doing or, at least, held to be excused by it.

I have a lot of problems understanding connections between people and how to negotiate that. It makes everything hard offstage.

You can't just throw people at all your problems, dear.