Mary H.K. Choi Quotes

Not everyone can be as successful a performer as myself, who gave 10 great performances the first time I ever did comedy, and then toiled in obscurity for years.

The poem 'What Teachers Make' is not without its detractors. This one person wrote to me and said: 'Gee, Mr. Mali. You don't possibly have a teacher-God complex, do you?' And that was the first time I'd ever heard of that expression. So, yeah, I'm sure I have a teacher-God complex.

Oh, what a shock. My career must be slipping. This is the first time I've been available to pick up an award.

Mr. Pibb is a poor imitation of Dr. Pepper. Dude didn't even get his degree.

Angel raised her hand. "Excuse me. What does LTC stand for?" She blinked innocently. "Loving Tender Care?"Gazzy suggested.If our instructor had had lasers for eyes, he would have sliced Gazzy in half. "Lieutenant colonel," he sputtered.

There's that great Bill Hicks line - the comedian - where he says, "Are you proud to be an American?" "I don't know. It's just where my parents had sex."

I eat so much chicken, I'm surprised I haven't grown feathers yet.

I've never read an article of clothing.

Mmm. O positive, my favorite.” “Is it? I thought it was a cabernet sauvignon.” “So it is,” said Adrian, straight-faced. “My mistake.

Good luck with your asparagus.

Where would I be without my sense of direction.

Two fat ladies, 88! Not that you'd find these ladies at a bingo hall, of course... they're altogether a higher class of fat lady.

My best pick-up line is "My name is Hugh Hefner."

It's Major Ketchup in the bathroom with the laser scalpel." "Hmm." He sliced a delicately herbed spear of asparagus. "Obviously we were meant for each other as I can interpret that as you meaning something more like Colonel Mustard in the conservatory with the candlestick.

You know they say money can't buy happiness. Give me 50 bucks and watch me smile

The things that I have apparently parodied I actually admire.

Meditate?” I took my head out from under the pillow, shook dark hair back from my face, and rolled over on my side to look at him. “Excuse me, but the closest I ever got to having a spiritual awakening was dating a yoga instructor. Once.

LAP, n. One of the most important organs of the female system - an admirable provision of nature for the repose of infancy, but chiefly useful in rural festivities to support plates of cold chicken and heads of adult males.

Allow me to offer my congratulations on the truly admirable skill you have shown in keeping clear of the mark. Not to have hit once in so many trials, argues the most splendid talents for missing.

A peacock escaped from the Central Park Zoo and wandered around the city. Either that or I just saw a pigeon on his way to a gay pride parade.

You are wonderful, Father.""I'm more than wonderful, how dare you insult me.

[Referring to a glass of water:] I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!

That dark humor has always been a part of what I've done. It's always been somewhat tongue-in-cheek.

My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.

Ah, the outdoors,' Shallan said. 'I visited that mythical place once.