George Carlin Quotes

No reporter is flying around in borrowed twin-engine airplanes.

Airplanes may kill you, but they ain't likely to hurt you.

And most of these pilots were lost during the first five flights.

Being on a commercial airplane is actually one of the safest places you can be on the planet.

There's always a possibility that you can have a catastrophic failure, of course. This could happen on any flight.

You could take Vicodin, step out of the house, onto a freeway, have a truck hit you, and you'd say "My Bad!".

Umm thanks for the phone. I think I already broke it.

I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.

Sygmnd was a poor Austrian who'd lost all the vowels in his name in a boating accident.

If Charles Lindbergh, flying with no instruments other than a bologna sandwich, managed to cross the Atlantic and land safely on a runway completely covered with French people, why are today's airplanes, which are equipped with radar and computers and individualized liquor bottles, unable to cope with fog?

If the security personnel do their job properly, they just might cause you to miss your plane, thereby possibly saving your life.

There was nothing subtle about our landing. The pilot just pointed the nose at the ground and let her rip.

You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.

Funny, isn't it? The airlines go to all that trouble to keep you from taking a gun on board, then they just hand you a dinner roll you could kill a musk ox with.

The Hawaiian Islands were discovered by hardy Polynesian sailors, who crossed thousands of miles of open ocean in primitive canoes, braving violent storm-tossed seas for months at a time. My family and I arrived by modern commercial aviation, which was infinitely worse.

I used to be an airline pilot. I got fired because I kept locking the keys in the plane. They caught me on an 80 foot stepladder with a coat hanger.

An exotic and irrational entertainment.

He was by no means opposed to hard labour on principle, for he would work away at a cricket-match by the day together, - running, and catching, and batting, and bowling, and revelling in toil which would exhaust a galley-slave.

Sometimes you're the windshield; sometimes you're the bug.

When you're a pilot, and you know all the ways to survive an airplane crash and how low the chances are, you feel safer.

Let me see you ride a donkey over my green again, and as sure as you have a head upon your shoulders, I'll knock your bonnet off, and tread upon it!

Elsewhere in Italy is the lovely city of Venice, which each year attracts millions of visitors despite the fact that it is basically an enormous open sewer.

Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.

The Russians will never be able to get their missiles thought the dense protective layer of delayed flights circling over the United States in complex, puke-inducing holding patterns.

"Ah, Miss, hope is an excellent thing for such as has the spirits to bear it!" said Mrs Wickam, shaking her head. "My own spirits is not equal to it, but I don't owe it any grudge. I envys them that is so blest!"