Denis Leary Quotes

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.

You can't even go to Heaven if you get killed by Spinach, you can't even go. You don't even know what to tell Jesus. You Just 'You know what Jesus, I did have a salad, I really Did I- I Didn't know what I was thinking about.

Everybody is corrupted by hotel rooms. You can't help it. It's the only place in the world where you walk in and the first think you do is steal everything before you take your coat off.

The three greatest fools (majaderos) of history have been Jesus Christ, Don Quixote - and I!

Jesus died for your sins. I'm doing it for your mere entertainment dollar.

Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.

I'm in the public eye, so I don't care who knows what I get done. If I see something sagging, dragging, or bagging, I get it sucked, tucked, or plucked.

I think the reason Jesus is so popular, just on a celebrity level, is that he died at the peak of his career.

If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.

Hrabosky looks fierce in that Fu Manchu haircut.

Jesus was not famous in his day. If there were no Bible, there would have been no record of him. The record belongs to his four disciples; nobody else has ever mentioned him, whether he existed or not. He was not famous. He was not successful. Can you think of a greater failure than Jesus? But, by and by, he became more and more significant; by and by, people recognized him. It takes time.

Yes, if the life and death of Socrates are those of a wise man, the life and death of Jesus are those of a god.

I was going to get my teeth whitened, but I said, "I'll just get a tan instead."

I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.

The miracle of Jesus is himself, not what he said or did.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they're ugly.

Yeah? Rock 'n' Roll is fast, you know. If all goes according to plan I could be in rehab next thursday. Tuesday week I'll be living on an island with a small Indian boy.

The central point of this final chapter is that - follow my logic carefully here - unless you die, you will continue to get older. (It's insights like this that separate the professional book author from the person with a real job.)

Death is an acquired trait.

If you believe in Odin and Thor, people laugh themselves to death. While it's okay to believe in a man who turned water into wine, and walked on water

The miracle of Jesus is himself, not what he said or did about the future. Forget the future. I'd worship someone who could do that.

I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, 'Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.' The paper I used said, 'Happy Birthday.' I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.

If you let your head get too big, it'll break your neck.