Carlos Mencia Quotes

When a dog bites a man that is not news, but when a man bites a dog, that is news.

Man Swims in Shark Infested Waters, Forgets He's Shark Food.

Sharks freak me out.

You Know the Most Dangerous Thing In the Water? A Shark Fart.

So the hotel tells us that it is not safe to go in the water because its shark mating time. I know how I'd feel if someone interrupted me.

For most folks, no news is good news; for the press, good news is not news.

Interesting fact: a shark will only attack you if you’re wet.

Sharks are like dogs. They only bite when you touch their private parts.

You always hear a headline like this, 'Man Killed By Shark', you never hear it from the other perspective, 'Man Swims in Shark Infested Waters, Forgets He's Shark Food'.

Sensationalism seems to sell more than wonderful-positive news.

I've always been freaked out in deep open water if there's a potential of sharks around.

The only use for a knife during a shark attack is pure treachery: Stab your buddy, swim like hell, and hope the munchies take him.

I had just come to accept that my life would be ordinary when extraordinary things began to happen.

You know, it actually can happen. I mean, the chances of it happening are very rare, but it can happen actually. Which is crazy. Not that it—the chances of it are, like, you know, it's like probably ‘pigs could fly.' Like, I don't think pigs could fly, but actually sharks could be stuck in tornados. There could be a sharknado.

I have come to accept that if I have a new haircut it is front page news. But having a picture of my foot on the front page of a national newspaper is a bit exceptional.

I have a slight fear of sharks for some reason.I have a slight fear of sharks for some reason.

The sole aim of journalism should be service.

No news is good news. No journalists is even better.

I'm actually very scared of sharks. I wanted to be a marine biologist when I was young, which may not have been compatible with that fear.

That's what the news is: You turn on the news every night, whatever you watch, and you're expecting to see things that you didn't know happened. And that's not what it is.

The news is a public service. It's a way to inform people of what's going on in their world. And when you make it about ratings and make it about ad dollars, there's no incentive to inform people. The incentive is to be sensationalistic and get as many people to watch as you can without any regard for truth or objectivity.

Relationships are like sharks. They've got to keep going into deeper, colder water, sometimes scarier, darker territories ... to stay alive.

There's always the possibility that you're going to come across a record that transforms your life. And it happens weekly. It's like a leaf on the stream. There are little currents and eddies and sticks lying in the water that nudge you in a slightly different direction. And then you break loose and carry on down the current. There's nothing that actually stops you and lifts you out of the water and puts you on the bank but there are diversions and distractions and alarums and excursions which is what makes life interesting really. It's fantastic.

Every event, or appearance, or accident, which seems to deviate from the ordinary course of nature has been rashly ascribed to the immediate action of the Deity.

I think people do expect something a little weird to happen. Maybe they've seen something I did once on the Internet and expect that I'm gonna do that every night.