Kristan Higgins Quotes

Don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them.

If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.

It's just my natural way - to be funny. I don't know why that is. But as I've said, humor is a quick cover for shock, horror, confusion. The critics hate funny writers for the most part. They think funny is not serious, but I think that funny can be even more serious than nonfunny. And it can be more affecting, too.

The key to gallows humor is to make the joke, no matter how certain the gallows is.

Come on up, boys -I'm dead.

I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.

When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.

Now I must give one smirk and then we may be rational again

The ratman froze, staring at me. "Why are you laughing?" His voice held just a hint of unease. Good. I was hoping that the vampires would come for me soon and save me. You've got to admit that's funny.

My two souls, the socially conscious one and the lighthearted one, are always in my movies because they find a perfect habitat in my grotesque style, which combines tragedy and humor, irony and sarcasm, comedy and drama. I also feel that rules are made to be broken, especially in art! I prefer creative disorder to strict rules.

Oh well... I'd just been thinking, if you had died, you'd have been welcome to share my toilet.

Look! I can't even wear glasses because my ear is missing. I'm hardcore! I'm hardcore!

I mean to say, really, I am near to developing a neurosis - is there anyone around who doesn't want to study or kill me?" Floote raised a tentative hand. "Ah, yes, thank you, Floote." "There is also Mrs Tunstell, madam," he offered hopefully, is if Ivy were some kind of consolation prize. "I notice you don't mention my fair-weather husband." "I suspect, at this moment, madam, he probably wants to kill you." Alexia couldn't help smiling. "Good point.

All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.

I've gotten really hot since you went blind.

I'm so tired after dinner I fall asleep with my clothes on, almost as soon as my head hits the pillow, and so I forget to ask God, in my prayers, to keep me from waking up.

Wendy? Darling? Light, of my life. I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just going to bash your brains in.

There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.

I am alive and well and unconcerned about the rumors of my death. But if I were dead, I would be the last to know.

Cheer up, things will get worse.

President Obama awarded a National Medal of Arts to author Stephen King. You know, because if there's anyone who can relate to the story of a guy trapped in a mansion that's driving him insane, it's Obama.

Love this job," Sanya murmured. "Just love it." "I need to challenge more people to duels," Thomas said in agreement. "Men are pigs," Murphy said. "Amen," said Molly. Lea gave me a prim look and said, "I've not sacrificed a holy virgin in ages.

I was number 1 on the who's likely to die list for 10 years...I was really disappointed when I fell off that list.

What would we do without irony? Check out your own daily reliance on it, the foul-weather friend who's there for you when nothing else is.

The only way I'll really smile is if you cut me ear to ear.