Ann Widdecombe Quotes

Christians have always been fodder for comedians who have tended to portray them as anoraks - slightly clammy, beatifically smiley dullards with barely a personality between them.

Most people I know are not hard-core religious people. They are what I would call 'lightly religious.' So I don't buy the notion that we can't laugh about religion in America.

Some of the finest comedies have chosen the Church as its subject and would indeed make most Christians laugh, give or take the occasional wince as a barb goes home. I have very fond memories of 'Our Man at St Marks' and long for the day when it is released on DVD but I won't hold my breath.

I started doing comedy in a church.

For some reason, religious jokes seem as trivial as jokes about food or driving.

A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, "A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits." He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ..."

Latin! The language of God! Or perhaps He speaks Hebrew? I suppose that's more likely and it will make things rather awkward in heaven, won't it? Will we all have to learn Hebrew?

Of course God enjoys a good prank as much as the next infallible deity.

A priest once quoted to me the Roman saying that a religion is dead when the priests laugh at each other across the altar. I always laugh at the altar, be it Christian, Hindu, or Buddhist, because real religion is the transformation of anxiety into laughter.

Me personally, I don't have anything against Jesus any more than I do any of the religious icons. I think they're all pretty funny.

As for basic jokes about sex and even my religious stuff, I don't find any problems with that, even if I'm gigging in the Bible Belt, because religious people don't come and see me.

Jesus was a brilliant Jewish stand-up comedian, a phenomenal improviser. His parables are great one-liners.

Iran said it will give up trying to make a nuclear weapon. But it got awkward when Iran said, 'But just for Lent. We'll start again on Monday.'

I've been worrying about God a little bit lately... It seems like he's been in a bad mood. And I think it has to do with the quality of lovers he's been getting.

God does not hate gay people. He's just mad because they found a loophole in His system.

ORTHODOX, n. An ox wearing the popular religious joke.

I'm glad that our God is not the guy with a pony-tail who wants to toss a frisbee with His saints.

The Pope also said that while he's in town he would like to go see 'The Book of Mormon.'

And why are we supposed to be serious about God? Did God show up and crack the whip? “You there, Annie in Ohio, I see you laughing a lot and frankly it really pisses Me off . . . “ (50)

I believe in God, I just give him more credit than being a single parent and an author.

Comedy is essentially made by young men, or older men with some form of arrested development, for young men or immature older men.

Alright, let's admit it, we Jews killed Christ - but it was only for three days.

I defy any of my coreligionists to tell me they do not laugh at the idea of Dawkins burning in hell.

Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing.