JOE ORTON

On our way home we were waiting for the bus when a very fat, pompous-looking woman reeled out of a pub shouting, "Melancholia? Ad nauseam."

I'm too amused by the way people carry on to give in to despair.

Reading isn't an occupation we encourage among police officers. We try to keep the paperwork down to a minimum.

Policemen, like red squirrels, must be protected.

People think I write fantasy, but I don't; some things may be exaggerated or distorted in the same way that painters distort and alter things, but they're realistic figures. They're perfectly recognisable.

I'd the upbringing a nun would envy. Until I was fifteen I was more familiar with Africa than my own body.

Cleanse my heart... Give me the ability to rage correctly

With madness, as with vomit, it's the passerby who receives the inconvenience.

The kind of people who always go on about whether a thing is in good taste invariably have very bad taste.

You were born with your legs apart. They'll send you to the grave in a Y-shaped coffin.

The humble and meek are thirsting for blood.

I'd the upbringing a nun would envy. Until I was fifteen I was more familiar with Africa than my own body.

The kind of people who always go on about whether a thing is in good taste invariably have very bad taste.

You were born with your legs apart. They'll send you to the grave in a Y-shaped coffin.

On our way home we were waiting for the bus when a very fat, pompous-looking woman reeled out of a pub shouting, "Melancholia? Ad nauseam."

Every luxury was lavished on you - atheism, breastfeeding, circumcision.

Policemen, like red squirrels, must be protected.

It's all any reasonable child can expect if the dad is present at the conception.

Cleanse my heart... Give me the ability to rage correctly

The Oscar Wilde of Welfare State gentility.

Civilizations have been founded and maintained on theories which refused to obey facts.

Reading isn't an occupation we encourage among police officers. We try to keep the paperwork down to a minimum.

FAY: The British police force used to be run by men of integrity. TRUSCOTT: That is a mistake which has been rectified.

With madness, as with vomit, it's the passerby who receives the inconvenience.

People think I write fantasy, but I don't; some things may be exaggerated or distorted in the same way that painters distort and alter things, but they're realistic figures. They're perfectly recognisable.

I'm too amused by the way people carry on to give in to despair.