Jimmy Carr Quotes

I really hate alcohol. I hate it because it's linked so closely to sexual assault in our culture.

This is the way I look when I'm sober. That's enough to make a person drink, wouldn't you say?

I loved when Bush came out and said, 'We are losing the war against drugs.' You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.

I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.

Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don't smoke... tumors.

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is most afraid of being raped?

I came home and found that my son was taking drugs - my very best ones too!

Each campus should absolutely investigate the use of alcohol, the prevalence of alcohol, and its role in sexual assault. We know that predators will use alcohol as a weapon. We know they will use drugs as a weapon.

I've jammed enough things up my own ass just trying to come on any amphetamine based narcotic.

Cocaine is God's way of telling you you are making too much money.

Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupus... one of those two doesn't sound right.

We were talking briefly about cocaine... yeah. Anything that makes you paranoid and impotent, give me more of that!

According to a brand new report, alcohol abuse in Ireland is on the rise. Mainly because the guy who didn't drink now does.

My manager said, "Don't use liquor as a crutch!" I can't use liquor as a crutch, because a crutch helps me walk.

Hats off to drug abusers everywhere.

Women are terrified of being raped, but somewhere in the back of the womb there is one rebellious nerve end that tingles with curiosity whenever the word is mentioned.

I don't mean to be a racist but if you're going to get raped by a Japanese guy, it's not going to hurt at all.

I can drink like a fish, or at least, someone born with fetal alcohol syndrome.

At 19, if a woman said no, no meant no. If she didn't say anything and she was open, and she was down, it was like how far can I go? If I touch her breast and she's down for me to touch her breast, cool. If I touch her lower, and she's down and she's not stopping me, cool. I'm going to kiss her or whatever. It was simply if a woman said no or pushed you away that was non-consent.

Women are raped and coerced into sex.

Only a complete alcoholic can think life is funny ... any life!.

In most cases an act of unwelcome sex is no more bother than being vaccinated, so there's no point going on about it as if it werea fate worse than death. With skill and good manners you can avoid having to make the sacrifice, but should you find yourself in a compromising situation largely of your own making, you should stop defending your virtue and start worrying about your maturity. It will give you something to think about while the savage pumper bangs away.

Seeing is believing to most families who have lived with a drinker.

Some of the morays have held on. When I was in school, I remember asking the question, "Why is it that whenever I walk into a fraternity there's alcohol everywhere and there's no alcohol in a sorority? Why is it that sororities won't allow alcohol, but fraternities do? What is that?" You know, nobody had a really good answer, and that's kind of held on. It's one of the issues that's being examined now - the role of alcohol in sexual assault.

A girl offered me E at the club. 'Have you ever done E?' 'I watch E.'