Tim Vine Quotes

I wanted to cut down on the profanity, because I think I'm funnier without sayin' a lot of cuss words.

Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry Sanders.

In fact, my son learned his first swear word from E.T. at age five. The way I look at it, E.T. stole a bit of my son's childhood.

There are times over different projects when I've asked the writers why people are swearing for no good reason. I tell them that it would be funnier if there weren't these swear words.

They don't make you pay for the humor. It's up and down, but they're trying to give you as many laughs as possible in 2 minutes. They are the most honest comedians ever.

When I was a kid, I used to watch 'Laurel and Hardy' with my cousins all the time. I still think they're extremely funny and so surreal.

It is possible to have good manners and be funny at the same time. Ronnie Barker and I proved that.

I'm actually a big fan of Kathy Griffin because I think she's really funny. I think she's really self-deprecating, which is something I like to see in a comedian. I think those are really the best comedians: people who can make fun of themselves.

I make people laugh hard; I'm a comic, that's just the way it is. And I make them laugh because I'm funny, not because I'm filthy. The subject matter is dirty, but the pictures I paint are really funny. A lot of comics don't understand that that's what it's about. It's just, "I'll be dirty and they'll laugh." Nobody's becoming a superstar that way.

I'm about being funny. If I can make a joke using profanity, I will. But for the most part, that can get awfully old and boring.

I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.

I had some jokes that were dirty. And some of it is when I started making appearances on Conan and Letterman back in the late '90s, I think. You had to remove the curse words, or you couldn't do some of the more explicit jokes.

I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce.

I remember watching Margaret Cho with my grandmother on TV. She was my hero, not only because she was funny, but because she showed me that it's okay to be yourself, that it's okay to be a brash yellow girl and to be a strong and brave woman.

I used to watch everybody's stuff, but I found I would get slightly influenced by the other comics. I try to avoid it now.

There's no great secret or plan, I just think I'm funny and I want to make people laugh.

You have comedians who just do jokes, and they're called comics, not comedians. You have comedians that do bits - a person that has a lot of jokes that have a beginning, a middle and an end, but it's not a real story. And you have someone that does great stories, the one that blends those things together - that person is doing comedy.

I thought comedians were the funny guy in the common room, not understanding that the flaws in my personality were actually the funny things about me.

I love comedy that seems kind of a little bit absurd.

I like intelligent comedies.

Parents, just keep in mind that kids will always round off to the nearest obscenity.

Even though I do a more traditional type of being funny on television, I still know a lot of comedians and stand-ups and improv actors.

Being a fan of comedy, it's so unique, in their own voice. I was really stoked to be able to participate. They're so great at just coming up with stuff on the fly and making stuff funny.

You never forget people who make you laugh.

You learn very very quickly that it is mostly about swearing, actually. That's all you're doing, swearing, in a box with wheels.