Jackie Gleason Quotes

The best cure for a double-bogey is a toffee, or sugar - any type of sugar; I love my chocolate.

Talking about golf is always boring. Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball; only the part where you drive the cart.

I played golf... I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying.

After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.

Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.

For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.

These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.

I like to play golf. I like to shoot hoops.

He who has the fastest golf cart never has a bad lie.

If golf wasn't enjoyable and there wasn't a lot of humor and enjoyment, even though the game is so frustrating, you would wonder why you put yourself through it.

I've never played golf with Tiger Woods. To tell the truth, I'm not sure that watching him pound it 100 yards past me all day is something I'd like to do.

I like to play and I really enjoy watching golf in person or on TV.

I have a very good sense of humour. I love telling jokes, especially on the golf course.

I just go out and play golf.

I'm obsessed with golf, so I love going to play golf.

I love America. I wanted to play golf.

Putting isn't golf, greens should be treated almost the same as water hazards: you land on them, then add two strokes to your score.

Three months later, on September 5, 2001, at a pro-am event preceding the Canadian Open at the Royal Montreal Golf Club, I was invited to play a round with Tiger Woods. Nothing in the game of politics had ever been as nerve-racking as that game of golf.

The man who runs from his office to the golf club, gulps a sandwich, belches and races to the first tee has no business howling in anguish when he puts his first two shots in the woods, then tops a 3-iron shot into the pond.

I realize that's why we play golf, to hit the ball into the hole. But it is a strange feeling when you hit the shot and it actually goes in.

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

Fairway: a narrow strip of mown grass that separates two groups of golfers looking for lost balls in the rough.

If I had ever been set down in any one place and told I was to play there, and nowhere else, for the rest of my life, I should have chosen the Old Course at St. Andrews.