Mary Kay Andrews Quotes

No more turkey, but I'd like some more of the bread it ate.

I heard that chivalry was dead, but I think it's just got a bad flue.

Moon rocks are OK when everyone is eating.

Dinner was made for eating, not for talking.

The night before Tilbury, the Cordon Bleu gourmet dinner turned out Cordon Brown. Six out of ten to the chef for trying and ten out of ten to us for eating it.

Simon Peter, who embarrassed the other disciples at the Last Supper by asking for seconds. Never got a dinner!

Pyp had stabbed a turnip with his knife. "The night is dark and full of turnips," he announced in a solemn voice. "Let us all pray for venison, my children, with some onions and a bit of tasty gravy.

Thanksgiving dinner's sad and thankless. Christmas dinner's dark and blue. When you stop and try to see it From the turkey's point of view.

My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.

Thanksgiving day. Let us all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks now, but the turkeys.

Good news, they found Nemo! The bad news is, they found him in one of Wolfgang Puck's puff pastries.

It's getting funnier because everybody's categories are disintegrating, and the cult of political correctness dictates that we never point out that other people don't make sense.

Herman Cain said he wants people to know that there's more between his ears than pepperoni and pizza sauce. He says there's also a few napkins and crazy bread.

I was raised the old-fashioned way, with a stern set of moral principles: Never lie, cheat, steal or knowingly spread a venereal disease. Never speed up to hit a pedestrian or, or course, stop to kick a pedestrian who has already been hit. From which it followed, of course, that one would never ever -- on pain of deletion from dozens of Christmas card lists across the country -- vote Republican.

Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.

Garlic bread - it's the future, I've tasted it.

If I'm out to dinner with a group of friends, and somebody offers to pay for the check, I immediately reach for my wallet. Inside is a note that says, "Say thanks!"

Excuse me, pray." Without that excuse I would not have known there was anything amiss.

Anything that is not funny at a certain point will be funny.

My mother is a great hunter - she usually shoots our Thanksgiving turkey.

This rudeness is a sauce to his good wit, Which gives men stomach to digest his words With better appetite.

I have always believed that there should be no subject about which one cannot make jokes, religion included. Clearly, one is always constricted by contemporary mores and trends because, after all, what one seeks above all is an appreciative audience.

There should be three days a week when no one is allowed to say: 'What's your sign?' Violators would have their copies of Kahlil Gibran confiscated.

EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition. 'I was in the drawing-room, enjoying my dinner,' said Brillat-Savarin, beginning an anecdote. 'What!' interrupted Rochebriant; 'eating dinner in a drawing-room?' 'I must beg you to observe, monsieur,' explained the great gastronome, 'that I did not say I was eating my dinner, but enjoying it. I had dined an hour before.'

Moses, who said to the children of Israel, Wear your galoshes; I never did this trick before. Never got a dinner!