Red Buttons Quotes

Disappointment is an endless wellspring of comedy inspiration.

He used to talk to me about Russia all the time and had sworn up and down that I'd love it here. "To you, it'd be like a fairy tale," he'd told me. "Sorry, comrade. Borg and out-of-date music aren't part of any happy ending I've ever imagined." "Borscht, not borg. And I've seen your appetite. If you were hungry enough, you'd eat it." "So starvation's necessary for this fairy tale to work out?

He was having more fun than a barrelful of monkeys.* *Several years earlier Spider had actually been tremendously disappointed by a barrelful of monkeys. It had done nothing he had considered particularly entertaining, apart from emit interesting noises, and eventually, once the noises had stopped and the monkeys were no longer doing anything at all—except possibly on an organic level—had needed to be disposed of in the dead of night.

A man who was fond of wine was offered some grapes at dessert after dinner. "Much obliged," said he, pushing the plate aside, "I am not accustomed to take my wine in pills."

The satirical direction I have chosen is an indication of my disappointment in man, which is the opposite way of saying that I have high expectations for the human race.

I drive an American car. It's a Chrysler. That's not an endorsement. It's more like a cry for pity.

I've always enjoyed making people laugh. But in order for me to be funny, I have to get ticked off about something.

Politicians... talk in generalities and lies, and I think they've caused all our grief. They're so awful, they're really funny. I hate thinking this because my dad loved politics.

In all worldly things that a man pursues with the greatest eagerness he finds not half the pleasure in the possession that he proposed to himself in the expectation.

My acting is still being recognized for the fact that I wasn't nominated.

I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him 'father.'

Jokes are grievances.

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'

When you get down to it, at it's root, Comedy is truth, absurdity, and pain. One of my little mottos is: 'Do you remember the Peanuts cartoon where Charlie Brown kicked the football and kissed the Little Red Haired Girl? Neither do I.'

I always wanted to be an explorer, but - it seemed I was doomed to be nothing more than a very silly person.

I don't think there's a punch-line scheduled, is there?

Reality is the name we give to our disappointments.

When things get so absurd and so stupid and so ridiculous that you just can't bear it, you cannot help but turn everything into a joke.

They gave me away as a prize once - a Win Tony Curtis For A Weekend competition. The woman who won was disappointed. She'd hoped for second prize - a new stove.

Crankiness is at the essence of all comedy. My wife and I were discussing the different types of cranky. There's entertaining cranky, annoying cranky, angry cranky.

You know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy.

A lot of my humor does come from anger. It's like, you're not gonna pull one over on me - which is pretty much my motto anyways.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

I'm not a particularly shiny, happy person. I'm fairly cynical, and that's what draws me to comedy.

When I'm funny is when I'm angriest.