Jim Fowler Quotes

I'm sure there are comedians who make jokes about me, but say something funny, not mean.

I'm not a big fan of comedy roasts because most of the time I find them to be really mean, but once in a while, you'll hear something perfectly worded and well-crafted.

Bernie Mac is talented!

You have to be careful what you say in front of comedy writers because they will absolutely make fun of it in the next episode.

Well, Mitt Romney is a very attractive comedic target. He's irresistible to me. I mean, seriously, I want to pay less attention to him.

Enough jokes on me. We need to do more jokes on all of them. I thought this was a press dinner where I get to make fun of the press.

I didn't realize how many people watched 'The Tonight Show.'

The mother-in-laws themselves weren't natural jokes but most comedians used to use that.

In comedy, I hate that cop-out where you say, "Just kidding." I know you're just kidding. Don't insult my intelligence by spelling it out for me that much.

Many people will laugh at the drop of a hat, especially if the man is still in it.

Jokes are unanswerable objections.

I haven't laughed so much over anything since the hogs ate my kid brother.

Hanging out with comics, all they did was make fun of me.

Tis no extravagant arithmetic to say, that for every ten jokes, thou hast got an hundred enemies; and till thou hast gone on, and raised a swarm of wasps about thine ears, and art half stung to death by them, thou wilt never be convinced it is so.

What's the difference between Lindsay Lohan and Rick Perry? It only takes Lindsay four and a half hours to finish a sentence.

I had great affection for Dana Carvey, and I think we all thought, "Dana's the guy. There's the comic genius."

And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!

Everybody funny, now you funny too.

The shortest distance between two jokes makes a perfect speech.

People ask me, Jimmy, howd you get here tonight. Lets just say it involved a two-hour make-out session with Elaine Stritch. It got pretty heavy actually, I almost had to host.

I'll tell you why we make fun of midgets: We're not afraid of them.

If we live inside a bad joke, it is up to us to learn, at best and worst, to tell it well.

Goodness gracious me,” exclaimed Alexia, “what are you wearing? It looks like the unfortunate progeny of an illicit union between a pair of binoculars and some opera glasses. What on earth are they called, binocticals, spectaculars?” The earl snorted his amusement and then tried to pretend he hadn't. “How about glassicals?” he suggested, apparently unable to resist a contribution.

I developed several comedy phone calls.

Jokes do finish themselves. I really do see them as ongoing conversations about personal themes that I ruminate on.