Maureen Johnson Quotes

I'm not a big fan of comedy roasts because most of the time I find them to be really mean, but once in a while, you'll hear something perfectly worded and well-crafted.

I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into.

At this point, we've ripped on everyone.

Jerry Ford is so dumb he can't fart and chew gum at the same time.

I appreciate folks asking for my autograph.

Always give an autograph when somebody asks you.

Even when I was in high school and the Navy, I was the guy who could rip somebody, and they'd laugh at it.

The joy of the roasts is to watch people get hurt and offended, and then have to laugh to pretend they're a good sport.

Raillery is a mode of speaking in favor of one's wit at the expense of one's better nature.

You little fruitcake, you little fruitcake, I said you are a fruitcake.

I'm always dissing Ray and making fun of him, talking about his money.

Congratulations, you have a sense of humor. And to those who didn't: Go stick your head in the mud.

One camel does not make fun of another camel's hump.

So I guess your wooden leg makes you a table.

I am constantly the butt of jokes.

I literally cringe every time I see someone trying to trash talk. Some people just don't have it and they try, and I find that funny.

I was used to football supporters hammering me and I thought my name was Graham Potter-Boo at one point.

I knew how to come up with jokes at someone's expense really fast.

Comedy is based partly on mean-spiritedness.

That's what I love about 'MADtv': If you exist, if you breathe, we will take you down.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey stoopid.

Sandy: Boy, you must really think I'm stupid or something. Jeff: Ahh, no one would call you stupid, to your face.

Nice dress you're almost wearing. You ever think about changing professions?" -Ranger

Are you stupid or did you just take lessons?

The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote: stink. Stank. Stunk.