Stephen Colbert Quotes

But I made one mistake which I would never repeat as a member of Congress when I was in Washington, and that was when I was elected I didn't go on trips because I was so afraid of having someone accuse me of taking junkets.

I think the record shows that as Speaker, I have taken the lead in cleaning up politics.

The Capitol Building should have a sign saying, “Warning!! You are now Entering an Ethics-Free Zone!”

Donations to political parties, candidates and elected officials should not be a means to gain personal or policy favours or buy access to politicians or civil servants…. Political parties, candidates and politicians should disclose assets, income and expenditure to an independent agency.

There is nothing more frightening to a political satirist than an honest administration.

Apparently it's acceptable for members of Congress to own stock in companies we regulate in Congress, but somehow, our plumbing company crosses some line.

Politics and self-interest have been so uniformly connected, that the world, from being so often deceived, has a right to be suspicious of public characters.

These days, the House Republicans actually give John Boehner a harder time than they give me. Which means orange really is the new black.

A politician is just like a pickpocket; it's almost impossible to get him to reform.

Asking politicians to give up a source of money is like asking Dracula to forsake blood.

A politician who enters public life may as well face the fact that the best way of not being found out is not to do anything which, if found out, will cause his ruin.

Listen, Bernie Sanders talks about how Washington is corrupt, both parties are in bed with the lobbyists and special interests. I think he's exactly right.

I have fought against spending. I have fought against special interests. I have fought for reform.

Richard Nixon has never been one of my favorite people anyway. For years I've regarded his existence as a monument to all the rancid genes and broken chromosomes that corrupt the possibilities of the American Dream; he was a foul caricature of himself, a man with no soul, no inner convictions, with the integrity of a hyena and the style of a poison toad. The Nixon I remembered was absolutely humorless; I couldn't imagine him laughing at anything except maybe a paraplegic who wanted to vote Democratic but couldn't quite reach the lever on the voting machine.

It is now abundantly clear that the Clintons set up a business to profit from public office. They sold access and specific actions by and really for I guess the making of large amounts of money.

And then you're going to have a president whose business empire depends on sort of delivering certain policies. For example, one thing that was quoted in the Newsweek report - that his [Donald Trump] pushing policies of nuclear arms for South Korea would actually improve his business network.

Barack Obama said today that politics has become too gummed up by money and influence ... and then he had to leave to attend a fundraiser.

You know the more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that's out always looks the best. My only solution would be to keep em both out one term and hire my good friend Henry Ford to run the whole thing, and give him a commission on what he saves us.

Unfortunately politicians are not very sound people or they wouldn't be politicians.

I don't take a dime of their [lobbyist] money, and when I am president, they won't find a job in my White House.

He's an honest politician--he stays bought.

Every actual State is corrupt. Good men must not obey the laws too well. What satire on government can equal the severity of censure conveyed in the word politics ....?

We cannot cure the evils of politics with politics.

President Bush said it's now time for a change in Iraq and he wants them to have a Western-style democracy like ours. So right now in Iraq, the economy is collapsing, businessmen are corrupt, and Hussein wants his son to take over as president. Sounds like mission accomplished.