Stephen Colbert Quotes

Rush Limbaugh advocating for objectivity is like Donald Trump advocating for humility.

The right honorable gentlemen is indebted to his memory for his jests, and to his imagination for his facts.

[Donald] Trump is a Magic 8 Ball. Shake it up and you get one answer. Shake it again and you get something completely different.

Inconsistency is the only thing in which men are consistent.

Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel peace prize.

The politician is an acrobat. He keeps his balance by saying the opposite of what he does.

She tells a lot of lies, this daughter of mine ... She talks a lot about democracy, but she's become a little dictator.

Who is going to say about Donald Trump that he is a frequent liar?

The morality of [Donald] Trump’s lying didn’t bother me, but he is a stupid liar.

Donald Trump treats the truth like a second home. He doesn't always live there.

Sometimes the manager says one thing and does another thing!

As a comedian, I think we all look for those areas where the truth diverts from what people are saying. That's why politics is such a rich area for us, because politicians make promises, and they don't keep them, and when we point out the difference, we get the laugh.

If we've seen one thing from Donald Trump, it's that he says one thing one day, and another thing another.

Hypocrisy is great fodder for comedy.

I have never liked Morrissey, and I still don't. I think it's hilarious, actually, what things I've heard about him, what he's really like, and his public persona is so different. He's such an actor.

What people say, what people do, and what they say they do are entirely different things.

Washington could not tell a lie; Nixon could not tell the truth; Reagan cannot tell the difference.

Bill Clinton smoked Marijuana but he didn't inhale, he spent time with a woman but he didn't sleep with her, he received a draft notice but didn't read it. Why give him the White House; he won't use it.

If Donald Trump ran for President, it would be great for us comedians. It would not be good for anybody else, but it would be terrific for us.

He’s one of the few men in the history of this country to run for high office talking out of both sides of his mouth at the same time and lying out of both sides.

This is Capitol Hill where they never let facts get in the way of a good press release.

There is nothing more frightening to a political satirist than an honest administration.

Talleyrand is a silk stocking filled with mud.

… politics itself is a mass of lies, evasions, folly, hatred and schizophrenia

Donald Trump is liar-in-chief.